Original Work The Unwelcome Sign

Discussion in 'Survival Reading Room' started by Zengunfighter, Dec 6, 2013.


  1. Tywin Lannister

    Tywin Lannister Monkey+

    Btt. The first 1000 printed could come with a collectible toad scrote to enhance their value in future ages.
     
  2. Tywin Lannister

    Tywin Lannister Monkey+

    If Shocka gets away he'd better renege before he comes back.
     
  3. 44044

    44044 Monkey+++

    Still checking...
     
    john316 likes this.
  4. Zengunfighter

    Zengunfighter Monkey+++

    I'm writing as we speak. You'll have another segment either this afternoon or tomorrow at the latest.
     
  5. Keith Gilbert

    Keith Gilbert Monkey+++

    We be looking lots and lots…waiting for that first head on a post thing…few things more beautiful that a toad's head on a post out beyond the front yard…still no sight of foreign warships snooping about? Loving the story, can't wait to buy it in book for to pass on to the kids…will need illustrations, naturally, somewhat like the old Edgar Rice Burroughs books…some were even in color…back all those years ago. ;-)
     
  6. Zengunfighter

    Zengunfighter Monkey+++

    Jacob’s house was a riot of activity. People in flux, flowing here and there, all with the mien of those on a mission. All of the fighting positions were filled, and gun barrels poked out of the open windows.
    People got out of my way as I walked up and onto the porch, but not so far that they couldn’t put a hand on my shoulder as I passed. They murmured thanks and thoughts and prayers for Sadie. I acknowledged them with a halfhearted wave or a nod, not wanting to be rude, but not really in the mood for people right now.

    The door opened before my outstretched hand could reach it. It swung open to reveal the grave face of Mr. Charles. We shared mixed emotions that displayed themselves on our faces. Grim visages momentarily relieved by warm grins, happy to see the other, and to know they were OK. A moment’s pride and then, last, as reality sets in, a soul deep somberness.
    We hugged, wordlessly, and then he let me pass.

    Despite the hub-bub, things were orderly. Several wounded people lounged in living room. I had trouble meeting their eyes, but felt I owned it too them. Instead of recriminations and hate, I got thumbs up and smiles, snuck past the pain of their injuries. How was I supposed to react to that? What were they expecting of me? I knew I owned them something, but couldn’t quite work out what.
    I acknowledged them, raised arm and dipped head. It would have to do for now.

    Fiona came out of one of the bedrooms that had been converted to medical use before the battle. I didn’t want to talk to her, but I needed to know were Sadie was.
    “Are you happy now?” She had the good grace to keep her voice to a harsh whisper. “Satisfied with your slaughter?”
    I looked at her, eyes blinking, trying to make sense of what she was saying. Her accusations short circuited the limited processing power available to me at the moment.
    “Where?”
    That seemed to have the same effect on Fiona as her accusations had on me. “Where what?”
    “Where’s my wife?” A bit of heat was building. She recognized it, lucky for both of us. She stepped aside and waved to the room she’d just exited. I walked past her and entered the room. Fiona backtracked and came in behind me.
    Sadie lay on her side, eyes closed. I held my breath while I watched to see if her chest expanded. Panic set it and then, finally I saw her take in a shallow breath. There was horrific bruising on her side where the muzzle of pistol had been when it fired. A bandage covered what I guessed was the track of the wound.
    “How is she?” I turned to Fiona to read her body, not trusting just words to covey my wife’s condition. Fiona’s position didn’t change, she kept a professional posture.
    “She’s pretty beat up. Two ribs are cracked but as far as we can tell they didn’t affect the lungs. The bullet didn’t actually penetrate, just gouging a track about six inches long. We’ve cleaned it and will keep it open to drain. It will have to grow closed on its own. She took a pretty good hit to the head, and we don’t have the equipment to know if there is any serious damage. Her pupils are responding normally, so that’s a good sign.”
    “Will she be OK?”
    She bit the side of her lip in thought. She looked down and to the left, then back up to meet my eyes. “I don’t know. We’ll know better in a little while. The head injury is the immediate concern. Long term, we have to worry about infection.”
    I wanted to get angry. I wanted to yell and shake her to get the answer I was looking for.
    But I didn’t have it in me. I was emotionally spent. There was nothing for me to do here. I brushed a sweat drenched lock of hair from Sadie’s brow and bent down and kissed her temple. Her features seemed to relax just a bit.
    Maybe it was just wishful thinking.
    I stood, and remembered that I did have something to do.

    I returned to where Sadie fought the ‘banger and picked up my discarded gear. My pistol was in its holster. I started with it. I did a tactical reload and slammed in the new mag. There was brass showing in the chamber but I ran the slide anyway. Holstered, I but the partial mag in the rear-most pouch, checked that the front one had a full magazine then moved on.
    My shirt was in tatters, ripped and cut where they got it off me. Screw it, it was in the upper eighties. I didn’t need it. My soft armor lay on the ground, straps cut. It was deformed where the bullet hit. I punched and kneaded it to some semblance of flatness. I duct taped it around me, awkward with one and a half hands, dreading taking it off my hairy self later.
    The panel’s ability to stop incoming rounds was somewhat compromised in the area of the strike, but it was better than nothing. And past performance can be a pretty good indication of what can happen in the future.
    Ever notice that EMT types go crazy with those shears of theirs? My magazine carrier’s strap was also cut. Twice. Guess I’m not carrying that. I got a fresh mag out of the carrier and on board the rifle and slipped another into the left side cargo pocket of my pants.
    The slap of feet on pavement grabbed my attention and I looked up to see one of my people running towards me. I hated that while I recognized the face, I didn’t know their name.
    “Mr. Zed!” He spoke loudly when he entered the ‘social zone’ where we greet each other. “Mr. Zed, we’ve got him!”
    “Shocka” I gave the obvious response. “And just Zed is fine”
    “Yes Mr, ah, Zed. Frank told me to come get you.”
    I patted myself down and figured I had what I needed on me. “Lead on McDuff.” I gestured with my hand to back up my words.
    “Um, I’m DeGraff, sir, uh, Zed.” I nodded my understanding of his correction and smiled a small sad and rueful smile to myself that he didn’t pick up on my misquoting of the Bard. I suppressed a shiver when I remembered that those were famous last words.
    We set off up the hill, DeGraff setting a fast pace. Eager to please his superiors, or eager to get back to the action, I didn’t hazard a guess, but it did make conversation difficult.
    “Where is he?” I managed to pant.
    “In a house.” Then he hung his head. “There’s a family inside”
    Damn. “Why didn’t they evacuate like everyone else?” I knew I was asking the wrong person and he knew I wasn’t really looking for an answer.
    “Do we know how many people are inside?”
    “I don’t know, Zed. Frank sent me for you as soon as we found him, so I don’t have all the details.”
    “Understood. Thanks.” I saved both our breath by not asking any more questions. Another couple of minutes of leg pumping brought us up the hill to the house.
    “Whatchagot?” I hunkered down behind the car parked on the road in front of a house. It’s where I found Frank.
    “We were searching for Shocka when we heard screams. By the time we got here he was already inside.”
    “You sure it’s him?”
    “Yeah, he showed himself briefly. We didn’t have a shot though, he was using a young woman as a shield. Lyle and the others are around the house so he can’t escape.”
    “He have any of his people with him?”
    “We didn’t see any, but it’s possible.”
    “You talk to him?”
    “Didn’t have time, we just got here. Not that I wanted to. You got any clever ideas?”
    “I’m fresh out of clever. I’m pretty well played out. I could really use a vacation.”
    “Wait him out?”
    “I doubt he’ll let us. More time we give him, the more time he has to come up with a plan.”
    “If you push him, you may not like what he does.”
    I nodded. I really didn’t want dead hostages on my conscience. I looked at the house and its surroundings. The Frangipani was in bloom. A gentle breeze brought its fragrance to me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, reminding myself that I was here and now.
    “Which room did he show himself from?”
    “Front right.” Looked like a living room from what I could tell. I didn’t see anything we could use to our advantage, nothing that gave me an idea of how to proceed.
    “Delta, you copy?”
    I barely had time to release the transmit button when Daniel replied. Judging by the mix of sorrow and anger in his voice I figured he knew about Wilford.
    “Copy Zebra. What do you need?”
    I gave him a brief on the situation. “I need eyes on. Think the drone can do some Peeping Tom work?”
    “Depends on the lighting, the type of windows, and shades and such. We’ll do the best we can.”
    “Roger that. How long?”
    “I’ll come to you with a laptop to cut down the time factor.”
    “Thanks. Zebra out.”

    I didn’t want Shocka to get comfortable or have too much time to think. But I needed to be careful to not set him off. I reminded myself that I had to shift out of antagonizing mode.

    “Yo! Shocka! You in there?” I didn’t have to wait long before I saw movement at a window. Same one that Frank pointed out. I saw a young woman jerked around, a thick arm around her throat. Shocka’s face was barely visible above her left shoulder.
    The lower portions of the window were open to let in the breeze, but they didn’t present a shot we could use. I stood up, staying behind the car, but letting him see me. The skin between my shoulder blades crawled like an insect was running laps. I was making myself a target for any of the ‘bangers that we may have missed and were lurking nearby, waiting for an chance such as this.

    “Whach yo want, big man?”
    “Just checking in. You OK? Any injuries? Do any of the men you have in there need medical care?
    He let out a hearty belly laugh which startled and scared the woman pressed against him. “You think I’m stupid? Is that it?”
    I laughed with him, sharing the joke. “No. I know you’re not stupid. But I had to try, didn’t I?”
    “S’pose so, big man, s’pose so. Now I know you don’t want anything to happen to this fine young thing or her family, do you?” He gyrated his hips, grinding his crotch into her butt, leering at me, his face next to hers. She squirmed, trying to get away, but his arm clamped her tight.
    He saw my discomfort and decided to rub it in. “Who’s the bitch now? Bitch!” The smile that had never quite made it to his eyes, dropped away, leaving a scowl in its place.
    “This is how it’s going to work, big man. You’re going to get me a working vehicle and me and this young thing and her family are going to leave.”
    “One car is enough? How many seats?”
    He knew he’d messed up and tried to recover. “I said a vehicle! Not a car! A big one! Like a van, or a Suburban! And it needs to be full of gas! You hear?”

    He did something to make the woman scream and cry.
    “I hear you. You’ll let these people go when you get away?”
    “Sure. What do I want with them?” He stuck his tongue in the woman’s ear and then grinned big at me. “I’ll let them out at Four Corners. That’s my best offer.”

    I pretended to think about it before giving my answer. He got tired of waiting and made the woman yell again. Forcing my hand.
    “Ok! It’ll take me a bit to get a vehicle and get it gassed up for you.”
    “Don’t play no games! I know you think you clever and all.” Another yelp from the woman. “Do you want him to be clever?”
    She didn’t say anything, just sobbed quietly.
    He jabbed her again, eliciting another scream. “I asked you if you want the big man to be clever?”
    She looked at me, tears flowing, then hung her head and shook it slowly side to side.
    “See big man? No tricks. Get the vehicle up here now or somebody gets hurt!”

    I noticed the drone come up along the side of the house and start to peek through windows. I hoped Shocka couldn’t hear the quiet whine of its motors. While we’d been talking, Daniels had slipped up and launched the drone. It looked like he need more time, so I tried to give it to him.

    “Do you need anything else? Food? Water? We can bring it up to the door and you can have someone reach out for it.”
    “You do think I’m stupid! You trying to get me to eat or drink something that you’ve drugged up, make me sleepy?”
    I watched the drone slip around the back side of the house.
    “Just figured you might be hungry or thirsty. God knows I am.” I took a long glug from my water bottle. Shocka watched me intently. I could almost see his Adam’s Apple bobbing in sympathy.
    “If not for you, what about the people inside? Surely it would be OK for them to have some water. They could taste it for you.”
    Shocka’s expression changed. He cocked an ear for a second, listening, then shot me a withering look and dragged the woman further back in the house. As soon as he was out of sight I looked at Daniels, making hand gestures. He understood and was already getting the drone away from the house by a circuitous route.
    I waited, hardly daring to breath. Twenty seconds later Shocka was back with his hostage shield.
    “Get me that vehicle! You got ten minutes or I start hurting people!”
    “We will. You keep that family safe. I’m holding you responsible. You’ve seen what I’m capable of!”
    He started to sneer and reply but held his peace, maybe thinking about the reality of my words.

    I joined Daniels behind the car he was using as cover. He skillfully brought the drone around, out of sight of the house. Pulling the SD card from the camera, he slid it into the laptop that was already booted up and ready to play the video. While I waited I made a quick radio call. Satisfied, I turned my attention to the screen.
    The drone flitted from window to window. Most of the rooms were empty. One we couldn’t see into because the sun was making a glare on the glass. The last room on the far side contained three people. They were laying on the floor and were bound hand and foot.
    Seeing what I needed, I took off down the hill to grab my Jeep. It was the closest thing I could think of that was ready to go and had fuel in it. Jumping in, she fired right up and I drove her back up the hill and parked her in front of the house. I shut her down and got out.

    “Turn it back on, leave it running and back away!” Shocka yelled from the house. I did as he asked and backed away.
    Shocka exited the house. It was an awkward procedure wrapped as he was with all the hostages tied together with him in the middle. They stepped carefully down off the porch and started across the yard, resembling an accordion or slinky as the group stretched out and bunched up.
    I looked at the hill top, a bit over two hundred yards away. The sky was a deep clear blue with picture book cumulus clouds slowly lumbering eastward. A barely perceptible breeze did nothing to dry the bead of sweat that ran down my neck. The leaves on the trees rustled slightly, their turned up edges warning of the rain we’d get later in the day.
    I took a step forward then another. Shocka stopped, his group jostling him, slow to react to him. He moved the muzzle of his pistol from what I took to be the father of the family and pointed it at me.
    I held perfectly still.
    They were three quarters of the way to the car, in the middle of the yard. Close, but not quite right.
    “Think we’ll meet again, Shocka?”
    “You better hope not, big man. You won’t like what happens.”
    I took a couple of slow tangential steps. Slow enough to be subtle. He turned to keep facing me. The shield moved to keep up.
    That was about right.
    “Well, that may be.” I slowly reached into my pocket. Shocka’s eyes followed my hand as it removed a handkerchief. I made a show of folding it into eighths. “I think you can say that I was a worthy enemy.”
    “You put up a good fight, that’s for certain, big man.”
    “Now that you’ve seen what we can do, you might want to think about forming an alliance with us. Things on island are changing. Someone’s got to be in charge.”
    I had his attention. This was the last thing he was expecting. But he was a street savvy survivor who never let an opportunity get away. I could see the wheels turning. He was thinking about what our military prowess could do for him. He was thinking how he could use us, and how to get rid of me when the time came.
    “We can meet on neutral ground and talk about it. We could totally control this island. Make it our kingdom.”
    The avarice plain of Shocka’s face was in direct contrast to the surprise, shock, dismay, and disappointment on those of the family. I guess they held a higher opinion of me.
    I reached up took off my hat, letting the air cool my scalp.
    “You might be on to something big man. You and me, we could get things done.” The drowning man grabbed the life preserver, thinking he’d never see one, and when he does, it’s covered in diamonds.
    “Yeah big man, we could…” I wiped the square of handkerchief over the top of my head, ruffling the short hair, cooling my head as it absorbed the sweat. Shocka’s head distorted and forcefully emitted a cloud of red and grey particles.
    The shockwave of the rifle shot arrived as Shocka’s lifeless body fell, flaccid, at the feet of his former hostages. Frank and a couple of the others ran to them, cutting their bindings and getting them away from the gruesome sight.
    I settled the hat back on my head and put the handkerchief back in my pocket.
    Turning, I looked to see the clouds lowering, scudding up the channel between us and the Brass islands. I looked at the hill top, not seeing anything. Not needing to.
    One foot in front of the other, I made my way back down hill. A fresh, fast wind announced the gust front. Body hunched shoulders to protect neck as the first fat raindrops pounded on bare skin, unnoticed, thoughts with my wife.
     
    Rifisher, davidrn, Tully Mars and 6 others like this.
  7. Keith Gilbert

    Keith Gilbert Monkey+++

    Double dang, they done gon and messed up another head…how can ye decorate de fence with mushy heds an sheet?

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2014
  8. 44044

    44044 Monkey+++

    Well played Sir...

    Very well played.
     
  9. Zengunfighter

    Zengunfighter Monkey+++

    So that scene 'played' ok? Did zed making the offer of a alliance 'work'?
    A reader on another forum said I should have given the reader more hints that the sniper shot was coming. What do you all think?
     
  10. Mike Fletcher

    Mike Fletcher Monkey

    Well, I liked it and I was expecting the sniper shot. That is what I would have done. And it fit the author as well as Zed's profile. :)
     
  11. Grizz-

    Grizz- Monkey+

    From the point where it became known that Shocka had hostages I wondered how is Zed going to take him out, We have known Zed's character for long enough to know that he was stringing a line.
    I found the scene very well written, if it is painfully obvious how something is going to happen it removes the suspense. the handkerchief and a few other movements had to be signals, why would a man who's hands would be causing him pain be wasting effort. I wouldn't change a thing
     
  12. ghrit

    ghrit Bad company Administrator Founding Member

    In retrospect, the surreptitious phone call was the hint. Don't know if it was enough, but it worked.
     
  13. Tywin Lannister

    Tywin Lannister Monkey+

    The scratching/hat signal system was well established. Zed's character was also well established by his reaction to the slaughtered family before the Dr.'s rescue and his eulogy of the man that died trying to help the other family across the street. That reader is speaking more from the anus than the mind, unless that's where he keeps it.

    Your resistance to my calls for Fiona's blood and NG updates as well as keeping Keith in toad scrote suspense speak well to your ability to keep your story your own. You are doing a Hell of a good job.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2014
  14. Keith Gilbert

    Keith Gilbert Monkey+++

    Keep a mystery alive and active, hail, I don even no iffin de toad has a scrotum ta makes me de purse fo poket change an all dat sheet and stuff…and lets not forget about the yard art!
     
  15. 44044

    44044 Monkey+++

    I wasn't downplaying the chapter Sir...I said "Very Well Played"

    If I had your talent, I would be writing instead of reading

    Thank You for sharing your talent with US...
     
    Sapper John and Mike Fletcher like this.
  16. GOG

    GOG Free American Monkey

    It wasn't a surprise, but it was a credible solution. Thank you.
     
  17. Zengunfighter

    Zengunfighter Monkey+++

    I took your compliment as sincere, it just prompted me to remember the other fellows critique
     
  18. Zengunfighter

    Zengunfighter Monkey+++

    I have to keep Fiona alive. We need her in the next book.
     
    magicfingers likes this.
  19. magicfingers

    magicfingers Monkey+++

    I kinda figured you had plans for Fiona... At least give her a good b*tch slappin'!!!
     
    Keith Gilbert likes this.
  20. Keith Gilbert

    Keith Gilbert Monkey+++

    Fiona pregnant just might be the ticket…sometimes the plot thickens and new 'blood' is added; and lets not give up on that yard art just yet…and de dogs be needing fed an alls dat sheet…dey dos likes de dried toad kibble…;-)
     
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