There is one perspective I have used with a few friends grieving but certainly not in the first days. There is a yin/yang to relationships in that an absence of pain can only exist if there is an absence of love. So.... The more it hurts the better it was. My heart grieves seeing your pain but there is a small part of my heart that rejoices that you are in such astounding pain because that is a testament to the magnitude of the love and relationship between the two of you. I am glad you had that. AT
LamentationsTears, loss, fear, sorrow, mourning Defeated by love Death comes to visit but onlyPicks up an empty vessel Our Thoughts and prayers are with you and yours...
My Condolences - My parents both passed away when i was younger. Giving the eulogy at my mother's funeral ( I'm the youngest of five kids ) was the hardest thing I have done in my life. I can only say time heals and it gets just a tiny bit easier every year. Just be there for her, listen to her, hold her when she crys, give her space and quiet when she needs it. God bless you and your family during this difficult time. I will be praying for all of you.
Grief is such a solitary emotion that while we may empathize with the grief-stricken, we can never truly share their sorrow any more than another can share ours. We each bear our own in our own ways. I lost both of my parents within weeks of one another. I had moved in with them the prior year to care for them and when my mom died, I didn't cry because I had to take care of my dad. When he died, I didn't cry because with his final breath I had become the head of our small family and as such, had to tend the sadness of everyone else. but, I would get into my truck in the morning and by the time I was at the end of the driveway, the tears would begin and not stop until I arrived at my first client where, miraculously, the would simply stop. No matter how many clients I would see in a day, the scene was repeated every time my key turned the ignition. that was the place that I gave myself permission to grieve. Everyone I knew commented on how well I adapted to the deaths of my family but no one knew the depth of my grief and had no idea of the depth of depression I suffered for such a long time after. The tears didn't end in days or even weeks but went on for months and still there are times that I am overwhelmed with the sadness that is known only to those who have loved deeply and lost forever that physical connection with another
I've been struggling with how to respond. My own recent loss still raw. All I can think to say is your wife will need your shoulder to cry upon, to vent her frustration and anger upon. Thankfully, you were able to spend some time with him before he passed, that will lessen the blow as time goes on as she remembers that she got to say goodbye and enjoy some good stories at the end. It will take her some time to get to that place, once she does, things will get better. But it will be at her own pace. For now, she just needs you to be there for her. Trust me, your shoulders are big enough, you are strong enough. I think there are more than just a few here that have your back and will keep you propped up if you need help. There may be some tough days ahead, but as time goes on, day by day the grief lessens. May peace and comfort bless you and your family. V
I am so very sorry for your wife's loss and for your loss also. I don't know the depth of her hurt because I haven't experienced the loss of a parent. All I can say is just love her, love her though better or worse, love her and her heart will heal.
Can't say I've lost a parent that I was aware of. My father died a few years back, but we hadn't talked since before I could buy liquor and I didn't know at the time. His second wife didn't bother to inform anyone in my family. I did lose all of my grandparents, and I watched my uncle go a little nuts when his father died, even though they fought all the time. I wish I could offer more than condolences, except maybe if you PM me, I'll give you my number so you have someone to talk to about it. As for the Nurse, I've dealt with a few of those, too. They think they mean well, but every time I go to see my doctor (regular appointments every 3 months) I thank God (pick one or a few) that I got a doctor with a brain and he'll let me try other things before he prescribes drugs. Doctors and nurses have been turned from healers to drug pushers. Sad but true. Don't blame her too much. She's been brainwashed, rinsed, and dried. It'll take a lot of work to get the Earth back in and get her talking again. Sincere condolences, man, and if you need an ear to bend, just let me know. ***offers 5 lb box of chocolates for wife, and shoulder pads made of sponges for hubby***
