Motivational Poster Thread (warning content)

Back when "Light those bastards up" really meant something.

 

One day in the 1880s, a peg-legged railway signalman named James Edwin Wide was visiting a buzzing South African market when he witnessed something surreal: A chacma baboon driving an oxcart. Impressed by the primate’s skills, Wide bought him, named him Jack, and made him his pet and personal assistant.

Wide needed the help. Years earlier, he had lost both his legs in a work accident, which made his half-mile commute to the train station extremely difficult for him. So the first thing he trained the primate to do was push him to and from work in a small trolley. Soon, Jack was also helping with household chores, sweeping floors and taking out the trash.

But the signal box is where Jack truly shined. As trains approached the rail switches at the Uitenhage train station, they’d toot their whistle a specific number of times to alert the signalman which tracks to change. By watching his owner, Jack picked up the pattern and started tugging on the levers himself.

Soon, Wide was able to kick back and relax as his furry helper did all of the work switching the rails. According to The Railway Signal, Wide “trained the baboon to such perfection that he was able to sit in his cabin stuffing birds, etc., while the animal, which was chained up outside, pulled all the levers and points.”

As the story goes, one day a posh train passenger staring out the window saw that a baboon, and not a human, was manning the gears and complained to railway authorities. Rather than fire Wide, the railway managers decided to resolve the complaint by testing the baboon’s abilities. They came away astounded.

“Jack knows the signal whistle as well as I do, also every one of the levers,” wrote railway superintendent George B. Howe, who visited the baboon sometime around 1890. “It was very touching to see his fondness for his master. As I drew near they were both sitting on the trolley. The baboon’s arms round his master’s neck, the other stroking Wide’s face.”

Jack was reportedly given an official employment number, and was paid 20 cents a day and half a bottle of beer weekly. Jack passed away in 1890, after developing tuberculosis. He worked the rails for nine years without ever making a mistake—evidence that perfectionism may be more than just a human condition.

 

Time for a little laughter … You need to think around “old people”. :sweat_smile: A tale from the wild, wild West …

"An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post.

As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

He looked at the woman and laughed,

“Hey old woman, have you ever danced?”

The woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No … I never did dance … Never really wanted to”

A crowd has gathered as the young gunslinger grinned and said, “Well you old bag, you’re gonna dance now!”, and started shooting at the old woman’s feet.

The old woman prospector - not wanting to have her toes blown off- started hopping around. Many were laughing.

When his last bullet was fired, the gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barrelled shotgun and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd immediately stopped laughing.

The gunslinger heard the sounds too, and turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched tensely as he stared at the woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in her hands as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No m’am, but I’ve always wanted too”

THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:

1 - Never be arrogant.

2 - Don’t waste ammunition.

3 - Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.

4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.

5 - Don’t mess with old people; they didn’t get old by being stupid."