Motivational Poster Thread (warning content)

A cowboy walks into a bar and sits next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance and then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No”, he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it…”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?”

The cowboy explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What"s it telling you now?”

Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch, and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”

 

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig.

“Well, whatcha’ gonna do about it?”, he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me.”

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how’s your day going?”