Clyde's Useless Observations of the Day

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Observation: 4 year olds should be potty trained

Discussion: Recently.....well, almost daily, I have a discussion with the cutest mop headed little laughter maker know as my 4 year old. "son, what is that smell?" to which he responds, " Nuffin'". I then ask him to meet me at the changing pad for a diaper check. Yes. Still too lazy to hit the toilet. I then ask what the smell is emanating from his nether regions. " Just brown stuff" is the response. Hmmmmm. "Son, don't you want to go on the potty? I will pay you $1.00 for trying and $5.00 for succes ". That sounds like a good deal to me. His response, "nope. I am good."

Conclusion: $100 dollars a month adds up. I could buy 1000 rounds a month just buy saving in shit pads.

 

Clyde, just think how nice it will be, when you reach GrandPa Status, and can remind him of all these good memories...... I front of his wife.....

 

Yes, he has a friend who is 6 that says she is going to marry him next week. She said, " we are getting married. And my son responded, "Nana gave me $20". My daughter who is 12 said, " Dont you think he should be potty trained before you marry him?". To which she responded, " no, he is too cute. I will train him".

I actually added the $20.00 plus the $100 in diaper expenses/month to see if I could subsidize the wedding. The wife just shook her head at me. I wasn't serious!

 

I have an observation coming on

 

While we are waiting on @Clyde for an observation, here's one.
According to Kimberly-Clark (via Consumer's Reports, May '14) the average American uses 46 sheets of toilet paper daily. Where's @Catullus when you need him?

 

An interesting market study!

 

That is a "Load of Cr*p"......

 

Yep....

 

@Clyde According to my math skills, you might have another roughly 5 year old to give us inspiration with observations.

 

@ghrit
Actually, based upon my procreation curve, I have an almost 5 year old and an almost 2 year old. So, I have many stories which have simply *poofed* from my head.

Just a couple observations from today alone:

While dropping the 7 year old and 5 year old off at a birthday party, the "host" asked if they had any allergies - peanut, gluten, etc. Being the observant and all knowing father that I am, I stated, "No, there are no allergies in the family.''

7 year old son piped in, "Dad, you forgot that I am allergic to Sulfa!". Umm....what is Sulfa I asked? "You know, in antibiotics."

Does a $^&%$^%& Cake and ice cream have antibiotics in it? and by the way, what 7 year old remembers that kind of information?.......apparently, the spitting image of his father remembers details like that! That was a total what in the world moment. Allergic to Sulfa. Thanks for making Dad look like an idiot.

 

@ghrit

Almost 2 year old daughter is really getting a personality; however, Mom is now tired of breast feeding (of and on for 15.5 years now). About 7 days ago, I told my wife to be done with the natural feeding method and she agreed (all other kids have gone to almost three) now that this child was in the process of turning her nipples into clam strips that rivaled the Clam Platter from Howard Johnson's from years ago.

Since this time, my daughter has now determined I am her new favorite person. When I walk in the room, it is "DADDDDAAA". And as she runs to my arms I get that sweet aroma of processed food, aka, loaded diaper. As I lift my eyebrow to see which member of the family has intentionally not noticed this foul scent. Searching the room, I see that my wife is smiling. Being the good Father that I am, I ask "Do you want Daddy or Mommy to change your diaper?"........"DaDDDDDAAAAAA". Perhaps she didn't understand, "Do you want Daddy or Mommy to change your poopy diaper?" .... The answer requires no words now as the sweet child begins to run upstairs saying, "I pooped, Daddddaaa".

Observation: everyone in the room is left smiling except me.

 

Observation: If a lady looks like a dude, she is probably a dude

Comments: While flying back from Houston in January, it took double take at a woman.......well, I am pretty sure it was a dude. Please note the picture attached hero :

1. Placement of "Faux Breasts" ... a wee bit high and appearing like whole vs. half coconuts. (riding high)
2. Sitting in a manly spread eagle vs. lady like crossed legs.
3. Slouched in chair
4. Dress that only a nun could wear with a smile.

Conclusion: That is a man-man baby!