A long-time friend and his wife have taken on the responsibility of raising three little girls, nieces that have drug-addicted useless parents that would spend their food money on a bump of whatever drug de jour was available. Exit POS druggy parents and admire the fortitude and dedication of the middle-aged Uncle and Aunt and the Aunt's 80-something mother that helps with the children while they both work full-time to be able to afford them and provide their health, security, love, and well-being. New house, large enough for their loved charges, just weeks from being completed. Aunt and nieces staying with aged Mother while Uncle lives in a wrecked trailer while completing construction on their new home. Not an easy task under the best of circumstances, but love and determination will do when money has to be stretched beyond pre-inflation buying power. Some past issues with dependencies, periods of rehab, and a friend base that enjoys having a few drinks, maybe smoking a joint once in a while and a zealous cop pulling you over, issuing a DUI, questionable at best but probably technically legal and probably only done because he had other DUI arrests back in something B.C. (before the children) and that's enough probable cause to get that dangerous bastard off the road once and for all. Now the collateral damage starts taking charge. Poor Aunt and those children, if they move into the new house, the State won't let Uncle be there because of his DUI arrests over the past decade. He can't even stay in his wreck of a trailer with the children on the same property. He'll fight it and maybe even win on one level or another but that doesn't protect the innocent in the least. Uncle knows better than anyone, that he has fucked-up badly. The internal dialogue might begin with excuses but we have all been there and we know how the truth will whisper it's way through until it becomes deafening. We also know that it is a basic survival instinct with it's very own genetic code, to defend when attacked. A baby's first breath, reacting to slap on it's ass, is an angry scream at the pain inflicted, however necessary and needed. When attacked, even knowing you are wrong, it is beyond your control as a human or any other living being to not react. Your genetic code demands that you defend when attacked: even a dying animal will bite when kicked. Defense mechanisms there-by will drown logic, reason, and intellect; it becomes a matter of life and death so you will defend with whatever is available. Sometimes, all that is available is rage because you already know how you fucked up, nobody has to remind you. It's almost as if those that love you and care about you think that beating you over the head with it will somehow change the end-game? If you really are a friend, then you'll already know that. It doesn't have any, not even a remote chance, of improving the situation whatsoever so all it can possibly do is give you some sadistic satisfaction of knowing that you presented your wrathful version of how he fucked up on top of his own and in no way, is related to some sort of solution. The collateral damage has been done, nothing you can say or do will change that. If you are a friend, go into triage mode. Let's look at the damage and find any possible solutions. A tourniquet is sometime necessary to arrest the bleeding, but will almost certainly do more harm if viewed as a solution, it isn't a solution, it just stops the bleeding but might cost the limb. My best advice is to leave the blame and righteous anger where it belongs and see what you can say or do the put the person back into a frame of mind where they think towards solutions rather than defending themselves from attack. God Bless.
What the fuck did I do? I wasn't drunk, just stopped to have a couple of beers on the way home from work before working all evening on the house.. I love those little girls and I just want to make sure they aren't separated and put into foster home. I want to give them a chance to grow up and make their own mistakes, to have their own triumphs and failures and not have to rely on the system to determine their worth and value as little human beings. Five years ago, I would have stuffed enough coke up my nose to not feel a damned thing but I am trying to be the best person I can be. I remember each one of those twelve steps and I know I am culpable. I know that as a result of me, the things I find most of my self-worth and value in, has been jeopardized by me. I have nobody else to blame. Apologies aren't going to help. Who do I apologize to that would make any difference? My wife is afraid, my little girls may be taken away and it will be my fault. God is probably laughing at this twist in the road but I can't blame her and she is righteous that I owe her a solution, not an excuse, surely she knows my remorse? Will there be a time when I can say what I feel without being attacked for being such a useless piece of shit? Not without some type of solution. Even my oldest friends just want to begin any conversation with "I don't need to remind you...' :You're fucking right. You don't need to remind me. I would rather not hear from you at all than to just hear a replay of your version of how I fucked up. What have I done? How can I live with this?
We have an almost similar situation with a life long friend, she "Adopted" 5 little ones when their parents were killed in a drunk driving crash. The parents were out for a "weekend" away from the little ones and we're driving home after when BAM, two lives ended by some stupid idiot who got behind the wheel! Our friend was the only person to step up and say I'll do it, otherwise the state would have separated the kids and put them in foster care or some such. Our friend is a very hard working lady, I have known here since we were both in diapers, and I know she didn't want to take them, but something deep inside her told her she must, so she did. Fast forward several years, and our friend got the Cancer, bad! Those kids are still in great need, and the only one who loved them enough to take them is now fighting for her own life! In this sick and cruel world, her debts are piling on, and those who would kick a woman when she is down are threatening her with all sorts of things, and there is nobody to defend her or those kids, nobody! I'm gonna find out what she owes and pay it off ( anonymously) and get her focused on what really matters, winning her own fight! We rallied everyone we know to help out or pitch in what ever they can, and it's been overwhelming in a good way, there should be enough to pay off her debts now and nobody is going to have to stretch anything to make it happen! I spoke to the local Sheriff and let him know what's going on, and he is going to step in and block the county and state from taking any actions, while trying to help clear things within his powers, which means turning over custody to him! Not an easy thing to do, but it's what's right, so that's what will happen, at least until our friend can beat the cancer and return home! The really sad part of this, our friend never had any debt, never! She always worked hard, saved, did without, and even forgot to have fun, never married ( put her job first, forgot dating) and generally lived a responsible life within her means, since the cancer has taken it's toll, she has fallen behind, having to stop working, and now has to put all her strength into the fight she faces, and she will not accept help, in her mind, it's charity, and she never needed it! What really burns my brisket, uncle Joe the Pedo and co. Have been handing out free moneys and other stuff left and right,mostly to buy votes and such, but the people who need the help the most haven't gotten any of it, funny world we live it ain't it!
"Hey, Merry Christmas! How are the girls?" "Don't ask. That idiot got himself a DUI and he's trying to pretend it will be alight. God, I could kill him. You need to talk to him; we may loose the girls. Our house is so close to being done...My mother can't take this on top of everything else. I knew it was just a matter of time. That bastard can't think of anything but his own useless self. He won't even apologize; acts like it's just going to be OK...it's not Ok." "Was he drunk or high?" "He said he only stopped for a beer after work, but you know how he lies..." "The new house is almost done? Is anyone helping him?" I'm helping, Mother is helping; we're watching after the girls. God, how could he do this?" "You've know him longer than I have, how could he be so selfish?" Someone needs to tell that son of a bitch just exactly what he's done...."Fuck him!".
Read page one again. If you can't be part of the solution, anything else is just drama and will do more hurt than healing.
I feel for both of you GENTS . Trust your heart as I have , he/ ( my maker) has always steered myself . S
I have come to the conclusion that there should be a 'zero tolerance' alcohol law in the USA - meaning - no drinking and driving at all! Many countries have these laws making any amount of alcohol illegal. Why? I think it is pretty obvious but things like this might not happen...because its legal to have 1 or 2 but not 3. Besides, even if you are not legally drunk and you get into an accident you can bet in a civil court, they would chop you into mincemeat. Anyway, I am sorry to hear about this and I hope and pray it turns out well.
Wow. I have sat and heard many of these stories (guess why I was there). The dirty little secret of treatment and rehab is relapse happens. It's part of the disease/condition/personality, call it what you want. All the "normals" and those in denial of their own demons ( there's a lot of them) consider the first sober period to be "It's done and over. Boy I'm sure glad he got help." Even those who have gotten sober fall into this belief. And when the afflicted falls and relapses, it's, " Well I guess he really didn't want to change. I'm done with that." There is a difference in supporting a relapsed addict and being a facilitator of the addict. But very few groups talk about that. Because the addiction "experts" say it's all just black and white. No. It isn't. Good luck. I mean that. And never give up.
I feel for them. @Seacowboys you are an astute observer of human behavior and a kind man 1) our society has gotten too black and white and judgemental about each other. 2) our society is too legalistic, small infraction leads to larger than necessary punishment 3) most people dont listen, just just jump in and start telling you how it is. 4) what happened to forgiveness, compassion and tolerance. I'll stop there.
And when I die and when I'm dead, dead and gone, there'll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on. I'm not scared of dying and I don't really care. If it's peace you find in dying, well, then let the time be near. If it's peace you find in dying, when dying time is here, just bundle up my coffin cause it's cold way down there, I hear that's it's cold way down there, yeah, crazy cold way down there. And when I die and when I'm gone, there'll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on. My troubles are many, they're as deep as a well. I can swear there ain't no heaven but I pray there ain't no hell. Swear there ain't no heaven and pray there ain't no hell, but I'll never know by living, only my dying will tell, only my dying will tell, yeah, only my dying will tell. And when I die and when I'm gone, there'll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on. Give me my freedom for as long as I be. All I ask of living is to have no chains on me. All I ask of living is to have no chains on me, and all I ask of dying is to go naturally, only want to go naturally. Don't want to go by the devil, don't want to go by the demon, don't want to go by Satan, don't want to die uneasy, just let me go naturally. And when I die and when I'm gone, there'll be one child born, there'll be one child born. When I die, there'll be one child born. When I die, there'll be one child born. When I die, there'll be one child born. When I die, there'll be one child born.
