I have learned A LOT over the last 7 weeks.

Well almost 7 weeks since Dee passed away. Mainly things I wish she had done and that I am now doing to make a lot easier on my heirs.

Pin Numbers and Passwords in the modern world are critically important in todays world. Just trying to pay the direct TV bill or in my case cancel it. I had to have the Password to get into the online acct. and secret Pin Number for anyone to actually talk to me. Which you have to do to cancel the service..... I had the PW but not the pin number. I ran into this on multiple things from her cell phone to her lines of credit. Sure would have been nice to have had a list of everythings Password and Pin Number.

THROW STUFF AWAY I can get around the fact that Dee was a border line hoarder. 165 Totes of Clothes, 18 totes of sheets and bedding, 136 file boxes of her Duplicate CYA paperwork for her Work dating back to 1990. The only totes of clothes that made sense were "Special Clothes, Summer Clothes and Winter Clothes." they actually get open and used and swapped out seasonally. That accounted for 10 totes. the other 155 had not been touched let alone opened in most cases in 10-15 years. Unless it is something special.... get rid of that stuff you you are putting in a box or tote and keeping just for the sake of keeping it!

If you have your own and separate bank accts. Add your spouses name to the Acct. as a secondary. Making them the beneficiary of the account is not the same as their name actually being on the Acct. It took me 30 days to access the Bank Acct. that 3/4th of our Money was in because I was the beneficiary of the Acct and not named on the Acct. I am just as guilty as she was the beneficiary on MY Accts but not named on my personal acct. We did finances weird We have the Corporate Acct. that both of us are on, the joint personal Checking account that we both contributed to that our regular recurring bills auto pay through and then The His and HERs Personal savings, checking and investment accts. It worked well for us that way until one of us died. LOL I did learn after finally being able to access and close HER accts that we have almost identical accounts. I keep $250,000 in a Money Market / CD Acct at my bank that pulls 5.5% interest per year and generates $13,750 per year income from that interest. I don't EVER borrow money from the banks or credit corps or credit cards. If I need to borrow money I borrow it from myself from the acct and pay it back with interest to that acct. With bank keeping 4.5% of the interest I pay back and 1% interest paid to the acct. And that is how you can borrow money when you have a perfect 300 credit score and no credit history If/When I die that account become liquid without penalties and the money goes into my Trust investment accounts. If I did not have the trust it would be paid directly and and equally to my heirs...... Eventually as I am the only one named on all of MY bank accounts. If I died the accounts would all be frozen until the beneficiaries of the Acct not named on the account produced the Death Certificate, Copy of the Filed will. Depending on which County in which State the person dies in........ It can take up to 7-60 days to get the Death Certificates. SO if you don't want your accounts frozen put a secondary on the accounts. They don't even have to know they are named on the accts.

You quickly find that in many cases the Birth Certificate is just as important as the Death Certificate. Fortunately Dee needed hers for other things and had one in her imprtant documents folder. Sadly a copy of the certified certificate like the Death Certificate will not be acceptable and some places will demand a Certified Original copy. I recently got 10 Certified Copies of mine at a cost of $20 per. From the Court House in the County I was born in. A LOT of Counties including the one Dee was born in will no longer provide a Certified Birth Certificate and instead you have to get them from the State Statistics and that is a very slow grinding process that if you are lucky takes 15-20 days, if you are not lucky can take up to 90 days to get the certified copies.

Survivors benefits from State and Federal pensions can be a total PITA. I learned the hard way my health insurance is suspended until I get the survivors benefit packet filled out and all of the documentation returned to the State Retirement Administration. I had my annual Scope down the throat done 3 weeks ago and learned my insurance had been suspended when I got the letter saying insurance declined payment and btw you owe $52,000 for the procedure. Not a huge deal as my health insurance will be reinstated and I can pay out of pocket and be reimbursed or simply advise the medical facility of the situation and have them rebill it to insurance when it is reinstated. Because I have ZERO faith or belief in the State of IL, I am not going to pay it out of pocket and hope they reimburse it....... IL has a really bad habit of NOT paying its bills. Dee worked for both the State and the Feds and was vested with 33 years with the States Pension and 20 years 3 Months with the Federal Pension The States Insurance and other benefits are far superior to the Fed Benefits. And yes I as a survivor get 50% of her State Pension Monthly Check and 65% of Her Monthly Federal Pension Check. And Yes I get platinum health insurance free for life from the State Retirement Survivor benefits VS if she had opted for the Fed benefits the retired insurance for me cost a couple hundred per month. Things to investigate and consider how you want to go before you croak. And OH know ahead of time that your health insurance is suspended during the processing time of the Survivor Benefits and you have to Choose between one of the three insures the State offers. In my case I will choose the same one we have used for the last 20 years because pretty much every Doctor and Med Facility in Southern IL is in their network and the other two are primarily geared for Central and Northern IL. With very poor in network coverage in Southern IL. More stuff you need to know when making decisions. If I had died first everything would have just simply transerred to Dee with zero Government involvement beyond my piddly little 8 year vested State Pension that amounts to $750 per Month and no benefits....... She would have had to jump through the same hoops to get 50% of it. Everything else hoops to jump through because I like her, had her listed as beneficiary and not actually named on any of my accts.

Making your spouse Beneficiary of the accounts is important to. If the amount in all accounts combined is over $100,000 and you are not the sole beneficiary.... It goes into probate and the Court is involved and overseeing the Estate. If there is a sole beneficiary there is no Probate and the court looking over your shoulder and no reporting to the probate court. As Executor and PA I simply pay any outstanding debts and obligations close the estate and Done. I could have closed her Estate 3 weeks ago if Kubota Credit Corporation had not been a total PITA about giving me a pay off amount on the M5660 Tractor. Even after providing those Dick Wads a Death Certificate and The Documentation proving me as Executor and PA they still would not talk to me or give me a locked in pay off amount.......... That required having to get a court order telling them to give me a final locked in pay off amount...... That I finally got yesterday. One of our few disagreements was credit and financing stuff. I wanted to buy the tractor outright and she wanted to finance half of the cost. Anyway she obviously financed half of the cost and now 7 weeks after her Death and Court order later the Certified Check is on its way to Kubota Credit Corp via certified mail...... Because I do believe after all the head aches they gave me in trying to give them $31,180.30 that I trust them even less than I do the State of Illinois. Once I get the received verification from the post office and the Check Cashed notification from the bank, I can close the Estate without asking the probate courts permission and having to wait another 4 Months for 6 Month Probate to pass.

SO NOT HIDE SHIT!!! That might have been cute in life but it gets old fast for the Survivor trying to get stuff done and grieving at the same time. Playing hide and seek with Money, Assets and information and the survivor having to play hide and seek IS NOT FUN and Causes delays in getting the entire thing done. My big missing document has been a copy of the the 2022 1040 income tax form. I have searched every place high and low for the 2022 tax folder and can't find it. And 2022 was the last year that particular accounting firm did our taxes and the owners of it died in a car accident and well I can't get a copy of the return from some place that no longer exist. So I ordered a copy from the IRS that takes up to 75 days to process the request and God knows how long to actually send it........ and cost $43. I also request the 2022 Tax Transcripts from the IRS that only took 4 days to process and 7 days to have in hand. Most places that required the 1040 form were fine with copies of the transcripts. Of course the State and Fed Retirement Survivor Benefits will not accept the transcripts and want a actual copy of the form 1040. So here I sit waiting for the IRS to send that form that may only take 2+ more Months to arrive. LOL I have every years tax returns from 1998 through 2021 and they are all worthless paper because the only one that matters is the previous years..... that I can't find.

If you finance a vehicle or tractor....... Buy the optional Credit Protection option is available. She got that insurance added to the Her New truck through the company that financed it. $20,000 was still owed on the truck and a copy of the death certificate activating that insurance paid the balance owed on the truck. In looking at the finance paperwork that insurance added $3.75 to the Monthly payment....... And was a $20,000 pay off check I didn't have to write and yes I get to keep the truck. A small price to save $20,000!

So she was approved for SSD and passed away 2 days before the 5 Month Waiting period was complete. So no SSD benefits or the lump back pay will be paid because of that two days. I hate social security people above all else. They are pretty much all mindless drones incapable of any independent thought. And some just really enjoy being mean and cruel. She should have just stopped with the fact that Dee died 2 days before the 5 Months. I don't like it but it is what it is and I can deal with it. It was the "I guess you should have kept her alive on life support for 2 more days." That made me want to reach through the plexi glass hole and pull her through it......... LOL the security guard saw me stop and the look on my face after she said that and came over and said "Just let it go, she is not worth the trouble you will get in." Good advice. So I can apply for SSD myself and collect her benefits now (Doc has been pushing me hard to get the SSD since 2016 and my own bout with cancer and the Sepsis.) So I started that process and Doc is writing up the report on his end for it. He is of the opinion that I will get approved for it fast and LOL hopefully won't die before the 5 month wait time expires......... "Because Mike just because you do not see yourself as all physically messed up does not mean you are not all physically messed up" Or I can wait 4 years and 9 Months until I am 60 and then automatically start collecting Dee SSD then that they approved but won't pay now, unless they approve me for SSD. Either way it will be $2980 per Month

It is damned hard dealing with the non emotional and the emotional at the same time. I got about 48 hours before the floodgates to the liquid bullshit factory opened up. After a week I handed a lot of the BS off to my lawyer to deal with or deflect at his discretion. That was one of the best decisions I made in this. And thus far $500 well spent.

I am actually going to be in very good income shape once everything Pension and SSD starts sending the Monthly Checks. The State Pension at 50% $2700 the Fed Pension $1800 and the SSD $2980..... I should be able to make it ok on $7480 per Month on top of my own income. Considering my total Monthly Living expenses are $1025. LOL everyone keeps telling me I will have to downgrade my lifestyle in retirement......... Everyone does not understand how independent I am and how big of a cheap ass I am LOL my advice there is start planning for your retirement young so that you can retire in your 50s and be able to enjoy it. And as a bonus have a wife with a couple of Government Pensions and packed with retirement benefits. I would 1000X more prefer her to be here with me and us enjoying retirement together. And I know when all of the BS is done and I don't have 100,000 BS things to deal with, think and worry about. The emotional that is being kept bottled up is going to hit me like a wrecking ball. Not much you can do to plan for it. Like te Assholes at social security it just is what it is and will have to be dealt with on its terms.

 

On the bright side. This has brought my Daughter and Grand kids back into my life and has been the link to resolving some very old hard feelings between us. The Divorce with her Mother was to say the least messy and her Mother used her as a pawn at every turn. I have a 5 year old Grandson and 12 year old Grand Daughter and Daughter and Son in Law that I am just getting know over the last 7 weeks. And looking forward to them spending 4 days over Christmas here with me. And looking at this pic I really need to fix that broken window with more than duct tape and cardboard and lose that nasty ass dusty towel hiding the duct tape and cardboard LOL. And Paint the walls and replace the flooring one of the dogs ate.


A friend that saw me a few weeks before Dee passed away and not again until yesterday was like "WTF happened to you! You have aged 10 years since the last time I saw you!!!" Sigh I had not noticed but he is not wrong..... The bags under my eyes somehow reproduced in to two full sets of luggage. And the Pepper that was in my hair making up 50% of it two Months ago turned to all salt. I had to shave that crap off LOL. For my next trick I might trim the beard and eyebrows down a bit. I guess stress, loss and dealing with endless BS really does age you.

 

It is great to hear from you, KK. We've (Crafty and Mrs Crafty) helped out and been involved with the financial part following the passing of family member...it can be very difficult and frustrating. We decided that our heirs will not have to deal with these issues as much as possible by setting up Trusts and keeping our paperwork centralized.

It's a tough slog, but you'll make it through!

 

So sorry you had to go through this but it's good to see you back.

 

KK, words can't express how sorry I am for you.
Lots of good information in your post, while my wife and I have worked to keep our financials in check with each other but life is life. We'll make double effort to get our records in order should something happen.

BTW, you look good, a bit of time and rest will help.
Wishing you the best over the Christmas Holiday.

 

KK, so good to hear from you! Keep swinging brother...glad to hear you got company for Christmas.

I would like to add to one of your points concerning Passwords and Accounts. These damn things multiple faster than rats and coat hangers! What I do, and it works well.

First, I do anything possible to NOT create anymore accounts.

Second, I keep ALL passwords, account numbers, etc. on a high-quality, small USB flash drive (a stick) that uses AES 256 encryption that uses physical input to access (Software-Free 256-Bit AES XTS Encrypted USB 3.1 Flash Key with FIPS 140-2 level 3 validation, Onboard Keypad). I keep all information in TEXT so no special application is necessary to view them.

I have 3 of these, update them when necessary, 2 are in my safe (physical security is just as important!) and one is in an offsite location in case of fire or etc. This is the securest and reliable means I have found, and should I die - well - everything is here. The USB can only be accessed after you input your code via the keypad, if inputted incorrectly, it will erase contents after 10 failed attempts or less as think its definable (can't remember). No software to hack, no possibility of access. Yes, a bit awkward to manually having to update copies; however, the more automation the less secure you are so...

I also keep scanned copies of ALL our important documents on this device so if we have to run (Wildfires are a real threat here) I can at least have a copy giving me its critical info. I do mean ALL documents also, birth certs, citizenship docs, divorce decrees, diplomas, etc. everything. Scanned documents are in both JPEG and PDF to ensure they are easily opened.

These devices have a lithium battery inside and I have not had any issues. My oldest one was purchased July 2016 and is still operating flawlessly. So, yes, when I logged into an account, say a financial account, I have to punch in the password number on the flash drive, insert the flash into the computer, access it to obtain password of the account I want. When finished, disconnect it and place back in safe.
NOTE: all accounts have an individual password which is used specifically for that account and nothing else.
NOTE: all passwords are at least 14 digits or more, basically look like garbage (hash in computer speak) and are meaningless.

I imagine they have newer devices but the Flash drives I use are: Amazon.com: Apricorn Apricon Aegis Secure Key 3NX: Software-Free 256-Bit AES XTS Encrypted USB 3.1 Flash Key with FIPS 140-2 level 3 validation, Onboard Keypad, and up to 25% Cooler Operating Temperatures. : Electronics

Anyway, this is how I hope to eliminate some of the problems you are going through. I handle all financial aspects of our family which obviously makes it much easier. Doing something like this is extremely important in this complex age and it continues to get worse. I would be interested to hear what others do.

Merry Christmas!

EDIT: BTW I've been shaving my head for years when it became apparent, I was going bald fast so - why not shave the damn thing. Plus, I was in some hell holes and didn't have to worry about combing my hair, getting haircuts (never trusted some of those barbers anyway) and kept me much cleaner so... So welcome to the Baldies!

 

KK Hang tough old man At times ones needs a blessing.
I wish you well and good blessing during these hard times.
All the sudden things will fall in place for you!

 

There is a book for that -

I dead, now what?

Amazon.com : i m dead now what

Quite the organizer, covers almost everything, it is a little light on the VA/retired mil stuff, but otherwise, very comprehensive.
Told my DD, executor, to get at least a doz certified death certificates and then go from there.

She and the DW have been added to bank accounts etc as 'survivors' and so will have access after.

I hate to leave a mess behind....

 

My heartfelt condolences, KK. You seem to have everything going in the right direction.....but please don't hesitate to ask, if you need help, or just someone to talk to. There's no shame in asking for help, ya know?

One bit of advice I'd add, that you (luckily) didn't have to deal with. When my mom entered the nursing home, her survivor benefits from my dad's pension and social security covered the vast majority of the expense.....but not quite 100%. My sister hired a firm that did all the paperwork, and represented Mom in court, for her to obtain government aid to cover that little bit. Of course, the state, being broke as hell (because of their relentless wasting of the taxes they collect) demand that Mom could only have $11K in assets, and must give up any and all life insurance she had (luckily, my folks had already sold their house, so we didn't have to mess with that).
Five years later, Mom decided she'd had enough of this nonsense called life, and quietly passed along. We disposed of the little bit of material goods she had, and since she'd prepaid her cremation expenses, that was covered. We thought that all was well and good, and the state of NY closed the books on her.
A year later, my brother, sister, LATE sister (my brother in law) and I all received a letter from Traveler's Insurance, stating we were beneficiaries of a life insurance Mom had, and would each be receiving a check. WHOA. FULL STOP! That was supposed to be turned over to the state! Since our sister had passed, the amount would be split between the 3 remaining beneficiaries. So we each ponied up $500, and hired our parent's old lawyer, to deal with the state, and find out if they wanted this money. A few months goes by, before we found out that the state of NY decided that the pittance we would receive, wasn't worth their time to sue the estate and go after.
You literally could have knocked me over with a feather!

The lesson? Just as you said about passwords and PINs, don't be secretive about assets like life insurance policies. Especially if they're something the government might end up trying to get their hands on, after you pass!

 

When Mom passed she had most things lined-out and lined-up. Still there were a few issues to overcome for Pops to carry on financially and etc. He just turned 84 and is doing quite well now, I see him Sunday.

 

Good to see you back KK ,,,
I'm happy to hear you'll have some company for the holidays . And being able to build your relationship with the grandkids . I'm hoping to see and spend a little time with my 5 yr old granddaughter.
So sorry for the loss of Mrs KK ,, hope your holidays will be enjoyable.

 

So glad you're back old buddy. Nothing to add, just glad you're back. You got this....

 

I know that you have been through HELL, but welcome back! We have missed your contributions to this site and your absence was felt by all. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

 

Good to see you back KK, I know you have been through a lot but it sounds like things are coming back around now, so the worst should be over, Fingers Crossed!

I lost my first Wife to the cancer back in 98, zero warning, BAM she went into the hospital, and a 22 hour flight from Germany to home got me two hours to say goodbye, that was the hardest thing I ever had to do, second was holding my two young sons hands and walking them into their mothers room to say their goodbye's, I didn't give them a choice, I didn't want them to have any regrets later, that they were too scared to see their mom and to say goodbye to her.
Fast forward a few days, and the first of the creditors started calling, her body wasn't even cold yet, and those vultures were already circling, and lemme tell ya, some of them were flat mean, the kind you just know get their jollies kicking a feller when he is already on his knees, but they just kept calling. I had to sell the house at a loss, sell her car at a loss, fight her employer for insurance coverage, and many hundreds of other things youngsters never ever dream of, to say our world had came crashing down on us is an understatement, and to top it all off, I had 30 days leave to get it all handled in, otherwise I would end up owing uncle sugar the time back at the end, and as it was, Ol' Uncle Sugar took an extra 2 years outta my ass, needs of the service and all!
Few years ago, I get a letter from some bank I never heard of,, never did any business with, demanding my personal information, telling me I had unclaimed funds in their care and I needed to contact them to close the matter. I had to call my attorney and pass that all on to her desk, but long story short, when we had purchased the house, we were required to have two loans, which had two different interest rates, I think they called it an "ARM" loan, any way, because the house had sold at auction for MORE then we had financed, and because of the questionable nature of the two loans, the bank owed me $45,000 for the sale of the home, plus nearly 20 years interest it collected ( Which I had to sue for), wish I had gotten that money from the homes sale when it actually happened, I would have suffered a whole lot less in raising two sons from half the world away, basically sending my entire paycheck home to keep the boys in clothes, shoes and food, as well as any needs they might have. To say I was a little pissed would be the understatement of the year!


I share that to warn you youngsters not to put things off, bad can happen at anytime, and if your not prepared, you can get royally screwed, especially by those institutions who swear their only interest is to help you. Make sure all your banking and other financials are in order and everyone involved is clear on it all, make sure things get paid on time, or paid off, and be ready to sell to settle if not. We didn't have much in debt, the house, and her car, and the 2 credit cards, one for emergencies only, and the balance due wasn't very much, it was the little things like insurance and unpaid or over due bills which destroy your credit faster then a bolt of lightning, that's the stuff you need to worry about and make sure you have in order if the time comes!
Make sure you have trusts for things you don't want to loose, or don't want going to anyone not named in your estate, and make damn sure your estate is up to date on everything, and like Bandit pointed out, have all important documents easy to find, easy to access, and yet secured, and backed up electronically! Having a gun safe is an absolute, even if you don't have guns, I'm quite sure most folks have enough important stuff in their lives to fill a safe up nicely, the physical security is peace of mind! It all comes down to protecting your estate, you worked hard for it, make the vultures pay dearly to get their pound of flesh outta you, make them bleed for it, only then will it be worth loosing!

 

So don't get to used to me being around SERS the State Retirement Systems suspended my health insurance that I am supposed to have for life. Pending the processing of the survivor benefits. They tell me that processing time will take 4-6 Months. Without my Diabetes meds that kept my blood sugar in the 190-200 range I am dunning averages in the 350-400 range and long peaks into the 500s. LOL I am trying to control it now by simply not eating, drinking salt water and a lot of caffeine and vinegar anything to limit of slow down the glycemic reaction. For whatever reason my body makes glucose out of the thin air. Running 190-200 was not ideal but it was manageable. Running 350+is a death sentence. Doc says at my current Rate of Decline that I will be dead by May without the meds. I can't even begin to afford the meds out of pocket. I gotta give SERS Credit killing off survivors by suspending the health insurance that they require to survive, and then dragging the processing times out what will be 8 Months in my case...... Yeah a pretty effective way to kill the people off that would get the survivor benefits and well since the survivor is dead the State does not have to pay out any of the benefits owed to the retiree or the the survivor. Simple numbers game that I am going to lose and can't do a damned thing about it. Good thing I have no fear of death My big concern now is getting my will and trust in order before the end of January, things happened that required major changes to be made to who my heirs are. I already know how this ends for me. Ultimately it will end with total renal failure. And every week that passes running these blood sugar levels moves me closer to that outcome Lawyer can't do much as there is already court precedent that Yes they can suspend the health insurance of survivors and drag the processing time out and effectively kill off the beneficiary. And they have high levels of immunity in legal things. And when you communicate with you they basically say to bad but if you need anything feel free to call.......... we are here to HELP YOU! At least I will go out knowing my mistrust and dislike of Government was not misplaced.

 

Anyway you can order your meds from a Canadian or other foreign pharmacy they tend to be way cheaper than US pharmacies just thinking out loud

 

Makes you want to blow-up the headquarters of the State Retirement Systems during working hours! IF it were me, doing such a horrible thing, I would be sure that ALL of my assets had been legally transferred to my heirs beforehand! I'm praying that it doesn't come to that! Couldn't you borrow against your land, sell the tractors, something? How much does this medication cost?

 

I know that you said that the State insurance might not repay you for your out-of-pocket expenditures, but dying can't be the answer!

 

What is the drug, KK?