Cancer and Treatments just plain Sucks for all involved.

Seems a lot of us are dealing with it either as a patient or a spouse of a patient. As a recovered patient I can say there is not much worse than hearing that diagnosis. As the spouse of someone diagnosed with cancer and in treatment, I can say there is not much worse than hearing that diagnosis. In both it puts you in touch with the mortality instantly.

My first experience with cancer was back in my early 30s and cyst in my left elbow that was not a cyst but a nasty tumor with lots of little tendrils spreading out. A long tedious surgery and a long period of radiation and it has not returned in 22 years. Plan B if the treatment did not work was to amputate my left arm. Then there was the wrong diagnosis of Duodenal Cancer in 2018 on a Friday afternoon that gave me all weekend to simmer on it, and the absolute range of extreme relief feelings on Monday morning when Doc calls me and says biopsy test are back and there are no cancer markers, it is just the worst and biggest ulcer anyone has ever seen. The diagnosis though is like getting kicked in the crotch and doubled over and then a solid cinder block dropped on the back of your head. Curing that Ulcer and its complications was no cake walk but much better than cancer and treatment for it.

Then 3 Months ago Mrs Kraps eyes started turning yellow then her skin with jaundice. Did the Doc thing, then a gastro specialist and test and he diagnosed a gall stone stuck in the bile duct. A simple down the throat scope surgery to extract the offending stone in Evansville. The Surgeon came out and I was expecting to hear that the surgery went well, the stone was gone and Mrs Krap would soon not be a unpleasant shade of yellow. Instead I hear there was no gall stone, but rather a mass pressing here bile duct shut and partially blocking her duodenum originating in the head of the pancreas. He put a stint in to open the bile duct, took pictures, extracted a sample of the mass and said I am not going to it is a malignant tumor but it looks like one. And kicked me in the crotch and dropped a solid cinder block on the back of my head. The biopsy of the sample came back fast and the mass was cancer and the next week was absolute chaos going here there and everywhere with consultations with a surgeon that specs in tumors and cancer, Oncologist, PET Scans. MRIs, X rays, Sonigrams blood draws and test, getting a chemo port installed, more test and then the first round of chemo that was 8 hours of burning through the puke bags and the long ride home with portable chemo ball and pump and the long drive back to get the ball removed when it was empty two days later. Then a some more days of miserable and then a week of as she says miserable but a lot better before the next round and repeat. I wish to God that I could trade places with her! I hate watching her go through this hell!

Every other Monday we repeat the Chemo Ritual. Tomorrow is Every other Monday She has impressed me with her strength and courage through this and keeps a very positive outlook and morale through all of it even when dry heaving into a blue bag I am beyond with impressed with her strength and force of will through this. More impressed with her being able to maintain such high spirits and a positive attitude. I have learned more about her and her character in the last couple of Months than I did in the previous 14 years. She would have made a good soldier " You don't have to like it, you just have to do it." is strong in her. It was caught at stage 3 and is spread out in the pancreas and just getting a good hold in the lymph nodes. Prognosis on curing it is 50/50 of getting every last cancer cell and it not returning which is much better than if it had been caught at a much more advanced stage 4.

I am not taking anything away from the patient or what they are going through with the cancer and treatments. This is absolute hell for the spouse, you are totally helpless to do anything and can only offer emotional, spiritual and morale support and watch and wait. I am thinking it is harder for me to keep my emotional spiritual and morale up than it is for Mrs Krap! This grinds on me harder than being a patient ever did. I hate the week after the chemo, I hate seeing her so sick from the chemo. I hate seeing and hearing her planning for the worst but love seeing her keeping her sights on the best at the same time while planning for the worst. LOL it is supposed to me me wading into the battles and fighting NOT HER! I hate the every other Monday at the infusion center, it is 7-8 hours of sit around waiting, pacing all over the the place, more sitting and watching her range from feeling OK to being absolutely miserable. Then the 2 hour drive home that turns into 3 or more hours because she gets motion sickness after the chemo and we have to stop and get her out of the truck to walk around and puke a bit. The every other Monday is usually a 14-15 hour day with the drive. IT JUST SUCKS! I am venting here a bit because I won't do anything but present positive and everything is great in Mrs Kraps Presence, I do everything I can to hid my worry, concern and own malfunctions with this, my malfunctions would only serve to wear her positive down.

Chemo Buddies initially people in yellow vest that annoyed me. Then one old guy came over and sat down next to me and handed me a little Teddy Bear holding a heart that said BE HAPPY! on it. Gotten to be friends with him over the last couple treatments. He lost his wife a few years back to cancer and sometime after Volunteered to be a chemo buddy. Since then I have learned that most of the Chemo Buddies are either Cancer Survivors or Spouses of cancer survivors or ones that didn't make it. They are not so annoying to me now It helps A LOT for me to sit there playing rummy and talking with someone that has gone through and understand the non patient spouse side of it. No I don't sit with Mrs Krap the entire treatment, she does not want me to, when she wants me present she calls me or a Chemo Buddy comes out and tells me. That I understand, I don't want anyone gawking at me when I am sick and puking either

The support focus should be on the patient and keeping it positive and upbeat. Reams of studies that show that kind of patient support greatly increases positive outcomes. But don't forget how hard it is on spouses, significant others, and close family. I have been through some bad Krap in my life and none of it comes close to the Krap of the last couple of Months. On my side of things I can see where it would be real easy to slip down into a dark hole and place. Hard to stay focused on the best and knowing there really is no way to come to terms or be prepared for the worst when knowing if the worst comes to pass that it will turn your entire world upside down and nothing will ever be the same again. And then at the same time this has changed our relationship and made our bond even stronger. And that in some ways makes it even harder, mostly in keeping the dark what if thoughts purged from the head. Hate it when she feels guilty for slowing work on the house down and that she can't help me with it much. The house can wait and so what if I can only work on it a couple of days a week..... She is what comes first not some sticks and insulation!

Yep Cancer just plain SUCKS for everyone involved!

 

Mr KK
You VENT anytime here , After reading your post , Im understanding the reason.
Prayer's for Mrs KK ,Mrs Dune & BT
That's enough here folks stay well
Sloth

 

My thoughts and prayers for you all ,, it's a bad disease ,, I've seen it take some of the strongest I've know ,, and will make you realize how strong the others really are . And it takes a strong person to go thru it with your loved ones knowing there is very little you can do for them .
I pray the good lord will over you all .

 

I'm praying for you guys! And, no judgement. I think we'd all far prefer to suffer rather than watch those we love suffer. Come here and rant whenever you need to.

 

Praying for you guys!!

 

That waiting on the calls is rough and soooo much chaos in scheduling and rescheduling because oops we made 3 test in 3 different places in two different states at the same time on the same day LOL...... while banging head on a solid post. Mrs Kraps Mobility took a hit when the tumor started putting pressure on a nerve cluster. And I am bad I have been gearing up for chemo tomorrow thinking today is Sunday all day and nope its saturday! Losing track of what day of the week it is a lot lately LOL. I have taken over laundry and doing the dishes. She insist on doing the rest. I learned today that lining all the dirty dishes up on the floor and letting the dogs lick them clean...... does not qualify as doing the the dishes Made her laugh though which was my intent

Seems we no longer have to drive to Evansville for chemo day and chemo ball removal day every two weeks. Never knew Deaconess has a small infusion center clinic in a small town 20 minutes South of us and a Oncologist from Evansville that comes over once per week to run the clinic and see patients over here. SO in addition to the Doggy Dish Washing......I learned that over the last two weeks she has found about it, changed to there and dumped the other Oncologist and is not the Patient of the Traveling Oncologist. Her "Ooops Didn't I tell you that???" I AM NOT COMPLAINING that drive home after chemo was hard on her. Guess the day I went to my Doc, she had a friend drive her down and had the consultation with the new Oncologist and changed everything. Would have been nice if they had told us about the much closer clinic say 8 weeks ago!

 

Amen to if you can't vent here about the toughest things in Life, where can you vent? We're all in this Life Thing together. We share what our interests and concerns might be when we and our families are doing fine, but also when things go uphill for a while....All the best for you KK and Mrs.KK.

 

Cancers the worst, runs rampant in my family, i believe they have a cure, just dont want us to have it! Hope all goes well amd she makes a full recovery.

 

I don't know if they have a cure or not but it sure annoys me how much money and effort was spent on Covid to produce questionable vaccines at best. I would much rather that effort and money have been spent on Cancer, Diabetes, Heart Disease and mental illness. Not a virus that is so bad that 99% of people have to get a test to know if they even have it.

 

Theres no money in curing a disease ,, treating it is where the money is at .

I truly don't believe our health organizations have the same views and goodwill towards mankind as the doctors of 50+ years ago.
I could be wrong .

 

Exactly, all about the money, HIV/cancer/alzhiemers etc. All about lining their pockets.

 

Krap, I truly hate to hear the bad news. Same to you Dune. Something gets us all eventually. I remember my Dad saying that he was in the rest home so the family could get some rest. You guys don't forget to take care of yourselves, so you can keep taking care of them.

 

I know what you are going thru.My son Scott hasthroat cancer. Hre is only 56 it dont look good.


p















worry 24-7. y mother was only 58 when she died from breast cancer

 

Prayers inbound for our Monkey families.

 

My dad had throat cancer. He had the surgery and it never bothered him again, and that was almost thirty years ago. We're praying for him, and I can speak to the idea that he has a fighting chance of complete remission.

 

OK I am not liking the Cancer but I am liking the Oncologist/Infusion Clinic 28 miles South down the road. Mrs Krap insist that I not stay at all and come back home. She has never been fond of having me around when she is sick and hurling. This Chemo does without question make her sick and hurl..... Did learn this morning from the scan last week that the tumor has shrank a bit with the treatments and the presence in the lymph nodes is diminishing by about 50% so her going through this does not appear to be for nothing. Goal is to get the tumor shrank down to operable so it can be removed and then continue on with several more Months of chemo to hopefully make sure every last cancer cell is eradicated.

Those long days going to Evansville were miserable for her, miserable for me, and miserable for the dogs. Once we go through our little down on that trip there was not a lot of stop options until Evansville. It is one thing to make our once every 3-4 month supply run to Evansville in the box truck. Can't deny that the City has perks like Costco, Meijer, Farm Boy (My wholesale food service supplier). Was getting old making that round trip 2 days every two weeks though and well I can't afford to fill a 17' box truck up every two weeks and would not have any place to store all of that if I could afford it!

On my part it was real nice to run her down there at 0830 and be back home at 0940, on her part she does not have be buzzing around in and out like a wingless fly annoying her. Best of all I won't have to clean up a lake dog pee and a mountain of poop after the 14-15 hour day in Evansville! The Dogs will go to the point of exploding before they will go in the cabin, but 14 hours is just too long. Only two have the fur for outside in the kennel when it is cold. The other 5 just are not adapted to wet and cold and my 3 pit/aussie mixes eventually get bored and destroy the chainlink. And well if anyone should open the Cabin or Krap Kave doors when we are not here......... I want it to be a extreme version of the Bloody Hand Game. Just glad those long days are behind us. Still have the 5-6 hour days for test and appointments over there every 6 weeks or so. But that is a whole lot more tolerable for all involved!

 

Thats great news about the Mrs,, I hope them treatments continue to work in her favor . Will keep my fingers crossed for you both .

 

There is just one thing that sucks worse than cancer and cancer treatments.....! Glad to hear that Mrs.KK is doing better. I hope and pray that this will soon be behind you, and that y'all can get on with enjoying the new life that y'all are building!