Motivational Poster Thread (warning content)

Sam & Morris met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Morris didn’t show up. Sam didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something… But after Morris hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn’t know where Morris lived, so was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Morris, but one day, Sam approached the park and – lo and behold – there sat Morris! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Morris, what in the world happened to you?

Morris replied, ‘I have been in jail.’

‘Jail!’ cried Sam. What in the world for?’

‘Well,’ Morris said, ‘you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?’

‘Yeah,’ said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?

'Well, one day, she knew I had money, and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old,

I was so proud that when I got into court I pleaded ‘Guilty’.

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’

 

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, “Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“No,” said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled 20 Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked him, “Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“Uh… no, I haven’t,” he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties… and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.

“Now,” she said, “have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?”

He said “No!”trying to hide his arousal.

She said…… “Check the garage.

 

Mrs. O’Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O’Rafferty.

“Hello,” said the Father, “And how is Mrs. O’Donovan, didn’t I marry you two years ago?”

“You did that, Father.”

“And are there any little ones yet?”

“No, not yet, Father.” Said she.

“Well now, I’m going to Rome next week, and I’ll light a candle for you.”

“Thank-you, Father.” And away she went.

A few years later they met again.

“Well now, Mrs. O’Donovan,” said the Father, “how are you?”

“Oh, very well,” said she.

“And tell me,” he said, “have you any little ones yet?”

“Oh yes, Father. I’ve had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all.”

“Now isn’t that wonderful,” he said “And how is your lovely husband?”

“Oh,” she said, “he’s over in Rome to blow that bloody \candle out!”

 

And we are taking notes on the tactics and homebrewed weapon systems of the Ukrainians!

 

This makes me feel old. It was heavy, and the image was terrible, but it worked. Now there's better night vision stuff on most porch cameras. I haven't seen a photo-mat, a phone booth or a new family car with a big block engine in a while either. Everything is getting smaller and costing more.

Hey, maybe if they sell electric cars with a sticker on them that says "Batteries Not Included" they'll be more popular.