There is a former bank robber that lives in the opposing duplex occupied by Ms. Jan, retired Federal Marshal. He is still checked on by his parole officers every month, they stopped by because mentioned bank-robber hasn't shown up for his monthly check-ins in a while. Robber Tim, former Marine turned drunk, robbed his bank in Huntsville, Al several years ago and part of his parole prevents him from ever legally operating a motor-vehicle again. He used to ride a bicycle until he got so drunk that he can't ride it any more. He got 40K when he robbed the bank but had spent most of it before they caught him three weeks later. Seven years in a prison taught him the words to every obscure song ever written by John Prine, Willis Alan Ramsey, Nancy Griffith, Robert Earle Keene, Townes Van Zandt, etc. He is a walking library of lyrics but even though he tries real hard, can't carry a tune and has no sense of how to follow the music so don't try to play anything when he's around or he will sing very badly and never start when the music does. I don't think the music matters, just copying the pneumonic devices used by whoever recorded the song. He does Bob Dylan even worse that Bob Dylan. He has been evicted but they really can't make him move, he spends all his money of taxi cabs and beer. He falls often and has been transported to the hospital several times with fall injuries. The neighborhood feeds him but he hasn't bathed in a while so it is mostly just delivered to his door. He drinks at least three twelve packs a day, all purchased in individual trips by cab to the local market. We used to give him rides but he smokes and burned a hole in my truck seat so I don't do that any more. The heat and humidity is almost unbearable here this summer. He already stinks to high heaven but sooner of later, he's just going to die and nobody really care except what a drag it will be disposing of his remains. His remaining family in Huntsville has no interest in helping and it is apparent that he is determined to drink himself to death. The landlord called the police last week, they came and had him transported to a hospital by ambulance. He was carried there a week earlier due to busting his head during a fall. There are bloody hand prints all over his walls outside, the inside is a collection of empty beer cans and boxes, moldy rotten food, and blood everywhere; it looks like a scene from one of those cheesy hack-em-up movies with smellorama. Before the downward spiral, he was somewhat of a functioning member of our little community. We all kind of pull together here during any crisis. The imminent deposition of his remains will be a task most unpleasant, as will the renovation of his stinky haz-mat apartment. . Ms Jan raises butterflies and baby-sits her great grand children. She is 84 but still kind of cute, I'll bet she was a real babe 30 years ago. We all look out for her so the discussion recently has focused on how to minimize the disposal of the bank robber when he finally kicks the bucket without disrupting Ms Jan's life. I am in favor of the swamp next door but the gators are way to few and small so it would require some rocks. The police seem pretty disgusted with the problem and haven't offered any helpful advice.
Remember that no one is useless, if nothing else they can be used as bad examples to try to scare children straight. Wish I knew of an answer to the addiction problem, seen a lot die during my life from it. If you do try to stop one way, out law beer etc, they will just find some thing else to abuse. Hate the talk of "opioid crisis" and attempt to shake the drug industry. Every one I know who has died of an overdose in the last few years died of fentanyl and most of the drugs the cops here pick up were made in China etc, and not made by drug companies. No one charged or as far as I can see any real investigations in the suppliers of the drugs that kill the addicts. But the states and the lawyers can sue the drug companies with money or even the owners of the companies as they have something they can grab. If we ever do have a revolution, I hope that we can save some rope and space for the legal profession, judges, lawyers, district attorneys, all of them have changed our lives as much as the houses of congress and the president. Made out a check for my car insurance, $2,000 this year, don't know what percentage goes to lawyers and their clients for those $1 million whiplash accidents, but sure it is over half. Rant off.
This whole thing has got me thinking; I just might start a burial at sea service. It seems like folks are dropping around me like flies and nobody gets to have a real sendoff any more. I think I may charter a boat and take bodies to sea for burial with honor or Day of Death Masks. Overhead would be small, just need to clarify a expedient means of permitting, load that dear family aboard in a piece of sail-cloth, give the family a mask and a drink or two and head three miles off-shore, play a requiem and departure by Jerry Farwell or Bagladish Ammamma and toss that suck over-board. Stay competitive with cremation costs, offer a premium burial with 21 gun salute, video, etc. maybe a Gothic metal band?
It will be an event, but it doesn't have to be a circus. The County Coroner will come and take the body away. You could line up Serv-Pro or somebody else that does that kind of clean-up work. If he owes rent you can likely dispose of his belongings as a storage unit owner would. Just be sure to look between the pages of every book and every old newspaper. Given his history, some cash may still be hiding, and after the dumpster has been emptied it's too late.
Congruent with the dark direction this thread has been heading....I'm thinking two words...crab pots. Just be aware that interfering with a corpse may be a crime in some jurisdictions. Interfering with Corpses | Section 81C Crimes Act 1900 NSW Follow the law with regards to the man's possessions...if he dies intestate, there are particular processes that must be taken in dealing with his estate...and as sure as $hit, there will be relatives that will come out of the woodwork to claim anything of any value.
Many years ago there was a Tugboat captain pushing a barge load of drilling mud down the Houma navigation canal when he came upon a ''floater'' in the water. He gets on the radio ( no cell phones back then ) and calls the floater into his office in order to report the location and get the sheriffs water patrol out to pick the guy up. He was ordered to maintain the position and close location of the body The captain happened to mention that there was probably a bushel of crabs hanging off the body. His office called him back and asked if he could pick up the body and get the crabs off him and throw him back in order to get a second bushel of crabs before the sheriffs patrol arrived? Pretty sure the captain never ate another crab until the day he died !
We get that around here some times! Fishermen find floaters in the Columbia River all bloated and full of crabs and fishing lures, the joke is always to harvest the crabs and tackle and send them back for more! Some of that tackle is super spendy big name brand stuff, a feller could make out pretty good! No joke, I seen the Sheriffs office drag the river for a missing dude, they caught him and reeled him up, there must have been a thousand dollars worth of lures sticking in him!
I kinda like the idea of a sea burial. But the truth is I don't give a shit what they do with my body.
Well, interestingly enough, some of the neighborhood decided to intervene and now they all are up to their wader-tops in kimchee. The electric company came today to turn his lights off, one of the Karen's cleaned his house and threw out all the remaining beer and the guys in white-jackets came to pick him up, a couple other neighbors nearly come to blows and the drunk bank robber is being transported to the Mayor's couch for the evening, awaiting a crew to stuff him into an ambulance first thing in the morning. A people ask me why I cary a freaking gun with me all the time; geeze.I understand the ole boy has decided drinking himself to death is his best option and he's working at it with a vengence. Hell, I'd loan him a revolver if it wasn't for the flack.
