Ask Mort

I have been listening to so much political garbage, fake news, and agenda driven garbage that I am now qualified to answer anything from anyone, so if you have any questions, just ask and I'll give you a different perspective. Just type in your questions and get advice from a moose, oh...and send money because me and Jesus had a small difference of opinion as to how to share the wealth, at least according to one or two of his appointed TV representatives.

 

You lost the bet ,, didn't you ??

 

Never bet on the dark horse, unless the dark horse is being led around by someone with an exceptional rack.

 

Hurricane season is upon us and we may be in the path of Tropical storm Dorian, what should we do to prepare?

 

DAC! Duck and Cover....it worked all through the Cold War to keep us safe from nuclear explosions, so a tropical storm should just surrender without bitchin too much. Oh, and don't forget to set an extra plate for Jim Cantori!

 

Baby mamma's are essential for preservation of the species. Without them, ghettos might just fade into oblivion or become populated with working class folks.

 

Heh. You be one elderly moose, hanging on since the 50s. Nor have I seen a moose desk you could duck under.

 

The single most important thing I learned was how to choose friends from even your enemies.
1. add two cups cooked grits to a cassarole dish
2. season grits with salt, pepper, Slap Yo Mama, and half a stick of butter
3. immerse two boudin sausage sticks into grits
4. Add caramalized onion layer to cover dish
5. cover in a cup shredded extra sharp cheddar cheese and bake for 30 minutes in 350 oven
Serve with iced sweet tea and lemon. If they don't like it, then they are from another zip-code and probably are not worthy of being a friend anyway even if they scraped the Vote for Hillary stickers from their Prius.

 

Good to see you back. I do indeed have a few questions for you:

• Can AOC spell AOC all the time or just Ocasio-naly?
• Who gets the green in the Green New Deal?
• If I vote Sanders will I get three homes and a sports car, too, when we redistribute the wealth?
• If bovine flatulence is going to destroy the environment can't we just give them Beano and save the world?
• Are the Russians behind Putin getting elected?

I could go on and on but just ran out of Bourbon...

 

AOC can sometimes spell AOC correctly unless they are drinking bourbon
Mooses get the green but only if you send it to us instead of televangelists
Yes, you can move in with Bernie while he is painting the whitehouse into a rainbow
I have tried beano and it doen't work for mooses, still farting after all those years
Putin has the support of every moose in Asia and western Europe and most of Canada. We sneak across the border into Russia and threaten all the voters into compliance.

 

I see you know your grit's!!!
I was in Athens last weekend...Not one grit in sight,Georgia has fallen!
Oh,and Welcome back Brah!

 

I am a big fan of yellow grits, something you cannot find anymore. White grits are the only thing that can be found in any super market, yes they are available on line. Why does that travesty exist?

 

Man,Like you I haven't seen yellow grits in ages...Grits will make a man out of any soy-boy!

 

Almost hate to say this but the grain elevator I use keeps a pallet of 25# bags of yellow grits in stock for the Amish I buy 2 bags per year from said pallet and put them in quart jars and use the suck and seal jar doohickey on them. Brand they have varies from year to year this is this years offering. Not bad grits btw And the price it right at .79 cents per pound.

 

Thank you kindly for your edification! I am considerably more smarterer than I was yesterday, though that may be because I ran out of Jim Beam earlier today and have sobered up somewhat.

While my mind is mostly at ease I missed one that's been bothering the heck out of me. The Court has recently ruled that Electors may cast their votes as they see fit regardless of State election law. Does this mean the Electoral College will become a Trade School instead?

 

Look for polenta. I get mine from Bob's Red Mill,
but my local market sometimes has them.

 

I am really getting lazy in my old age. I recently discovered Quaker instant grits in Jalapeno Cheddar variety. 12 servings for $3.40. That and some cajun twist stewed tomatoes and some sort of meat, fowl, or seafood, and if real hungry we can throw in some beans. My question is; should I cut back on the cajun spice, hot sauce, and spicy peppers when my stool makes my butt itch?

Oh by the way, Welcome back. Did you come out of the woods to chase some sexy female Meese?
You don't see many Moose down my way. Gotta go, time to hunker down for coming hurricane.

 

Working it this am baby!