I need advice on how to help a depressed kid

Truer words were never spoken.
ESP when it comes to teenaged daughters..

 

I understand that, this isnt just simple mood swings though. This has been an ongoing problem for far longer than ive known the kid.

 

And remember no good deed goes unpunished.
Don't get too involved in other peoples problems.
Helping is good but there are a lot of people out there who just want to cause trouble too.

 

@BailyTheFox

I've had a horror of a day....and yet, also a very good day....that's life sometimes. I'm afraid that my reply to you at the moment will be brief...it's 12:21am here, Sydney time.

Resources that may be helpful to you in supporting your friend, and indirectly, him. I am not suggesting that you assume the role of therapist, but it may help you to assist him, by knowing that these kinds of resources are available.

The first resource is a publication called "Taking Care of Yourself and Your Family: A Resource Book for Good Mental Health". author: John Ashfield. This publication is supported by Beyond Blue: The National Depression Initiative (Australia) beyondblue
The most recent edition of this publication is the 11th edition, and it is available as a free download in .pdf format at about 2MB download.
http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjg1qa92_zVAhUIhrwKHVw6DUkQFggwMAA&url=http://www.bloomtools.com/files/53/TakingCareofYourselfandYourFamily.pdf&usg=AFQjCNF__IS7tLEDlcGYCUX1qpLZERFr1Q

moodgym....a self help cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) ap
developed and supported by the Australian National University, Canberra. It is an evidenced based CBT platform that has been trialled, and peer reviewed in Australia, and is in use, internationally. I have not used the moodgym ap myself, but it has been recommended in the 'Taking Care of Yourself and Your Family' book as a useful resource for people in remote, isolated areas who do not have convenient access to local therapeutical support.

moodgym - FAQ
e-couch: Welcome

Reviews of moodgym
MoodGym - an expert review - PsyberGuide
MoodGYM

For those not familiar with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, here are a few Youtube clips which give brief explanations of this therapy modality.








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More to follow later tomorrow....I need sleep now.

 

Exercise. Get him on a exercise program of some sort, running is a good one since it costs very little. Exercise is a depression killer. Many shrinks now use this instead of going directly to medications.

Also, if he is religious then talking to his priest/reverend might be useful for him.

 

It is possible that the boy has learned to get sympathy for his heart condition, and it is a tool for the attention he wants.
His parent pampered him and they are tired of it, so he has moved on to others for sympathy .
My dad was smart enough to recognize the issues when my brother was born without a left hand .
The family wanted to baby him but dad went so far as to move to the other side of the country to avoid any further conflict .
Though it hurt mom initially , not to be babying him ,as time went by he learned how to do things for himself like tying his shoes.
This personal determination made him a better man than others with very similar problems, a machinist ,motorcycle mechanic and T T track racer, and business man amongst other things .
Today he is a very successful retired business man and grand father, and all of his kids and their kids are well adjusted very intelligent people .( all normal physically and well)
Neighbor kids were given every thing that was the latest fad, eventually messed up their lives with drugs .
Kids not taught to earn their wants and earn respect ,believe they are entitled to it and when it does not come the conditioning of the past reverts them to childish behaviors seeking sympathy and getting it from some one.
The fault is their parents, but it's too late, and you've become the sounding board, a soft shoulder.
I was picked on and in fights in school until I was in high school and got into wrestling and foot ball , then that all changed and the bullies left me completely alone .
If the failed school system cannot will not offer something for the kids to learn self defense build self esteem then he needs to get training externally martial arts training requires paying attention to instruction, something that for him might take a while to kick in.
Kids like this give up easily.
He needs to earn this training not handed to him the way he's gotten every thing in life so far.
If he has something invested , there is a chance he might hang on .

 

May want to get him outside and into some sunshine stay away from video games if he into the killing games and that's all the reality he is getting it's not good people need sun light sitting around eating junk and playing videogames won't help out his issues it's hard to teach self-esteem but I can say if you ask adults that we're bullied and I hate that word I called it growing up but that's me I guess but the adults would say that what they regret the most was they never stood up for them selves be it they kicked someone's ass or got there ass kick they did not back down I had my ass kick a lot but no one has ever said I backed down and there been days I wish I had and there's been days that they wish I had

Yes I am going to eat my corn bread they can get there OMF ing corn bread

Also my want to talk to a school counselor that's what they are there for can't help if they don't know

 

Just a suggestion @BailyTheFox ; This thread may fit better in the "Survival of the Fittest Forum" Survival of the Fittestthan the "General" forum where it is likely to be submerged fairly quickly under the deluge of miscellany that is generally the fate of many threads in that forum.

Up to you, of course.

 

In talking with my older boy (MA Psychology and practicing counselor ) about his teenage brother the issue of video games and changes to the brain came up. The grown son wont even facebook based on the damage and changes. 2 weeks to wean the brain and change the brain wave pattern. You may want to start there.

 

Update :
I spoke with his father on the phone this afternoon and told him my concerns. The boy is angry with me, we talked about it both by text and over the phone and he thinks I betrayed him in the worst possible way. I'm not sure he'll ever forgive me for it. Hopefully his parents will step up and make it worth me possibly losing one of my closest friends.

 

I'm sorry that your friend feels the way he does about you. However, I think that you did the right thing, even though it has damaged your friendship with the lad.

1. His parents can't fix what they don't know is broke. You have brought their attention to the issues that plague your friend, and now they can take the necessary actions as his parents and care givers, to help their own son. Sometimes kids can be pretty clever at disguising that they have social / behavioural problems, and sometimes all too many parents / care givers, to their profound distress, are the last to know.

2. Although the lad is angry with you now, and may for a while withdraw from you, its possible that the friendship is not irredeemably lost. With a little time, and perspective, his attitude may change, particularly if his parents get him the necessary help to assist him to improve the quality of his life.

3. Suicidal, and self harm ideation is a most serious place for him to be. If your intervention has mobilised his parents to help diminish those risks, then your sacrifice, will have been well worth it, if he stays alive through recovery from profound depression. Had you have kept the lads confidence, and he had subsequently badly harmed himself, or committed suicide, that would have been an even heavier load to bear. Friendships can be repaired and recovered: There's no coming back from a terminal suicide.

4. His forgiveness would be good....but your forgiveness of yourself is what actually matters. In many cases, there may not be many, if any particularly good options to exercise, in which case the least worst option is the best that one can hope for. Going for the option that achieves the most good, at the risk of the least harm maybe the wiser choice. Having selected that choice, don't beat yourself up if it all goes pear shaped despite your best efforts and intentions.

 

You did the right thing, simple as that. The right thing can be the headrest but the alternative in this case would have been much worse for him and YOU.

 

He is a very good liar/good at hiding things but I'm good at picking up on the suble signs of distress. I just hope he accepts the help, they will be taking him to therapy and he doesnt want it. I told him he needs to let people help him and give it a chance but he is adamant that it is a waste if time. It will be if he keeps that attitude about it which im sure he will.

Thats what i tried to explain to him but he says i over reacted. Hes can convince himself of that but not me.

 

Prayers outbound for your endeavors with this kid.