Where did they go?

I just realized that I haven't seen a child's lemonaide stand in decades. I haven't seen a rope swing in a while, and I don't think I've seen kids swinging on grapevines since I was a kid. Do you remember smoking grapevines? I'll never forget the big cigar ones that sometimes had ants in them. Do kids still dig holes to china? Do they explore the cave? Where did tree forts go? What is there good to steal for camping since they've replaced smudge pots with flashing lights? Do kids still sneak to the neighbors pasture to ride the horse or even cow? Do they not know that a peach stolen from a tree or a stolen watermelon tastes better than the store bought ones? I'll bet kids don't even shoot out windows with a slingshot or BB gun anymore.

 

My four year old did a lemonade stand on a very high traffic walking trail this summer. She made mad loot, too!

We have an X-Box but it's just for mom & dad. 100% off-limits to the kids. They actually enjoy playing outside, having tea parties, making volcanoes out of mud outside, making lanterns out of a jar full of lightning bugs, etc.

But they are homeschooled. "Weird" to the rest of the country.

 

Long wind come go woosh! Haha.

Okay, before I depart this realm for the realm of dreams, which I don't do anymore unless they are nightmares of sorts, as 4 comes early in the morning I will leave you with some thoughts that may depress.

In 1974 I don't recall much, being born in October so the rest of the year was a blur. Not being able to remember my life at that age is not a rare thing. 1975 rolled around and I still don't remember anything. 1976 came along and with it came a sister, then with the sister all hell broke loose. Couldn't tell ya how much it was heaven beforehand as I didn't know my life. With my sister coming along, my gene-donor decided that he didn't want a daughter and used it as an excuse to stay on permanent 'boy' vacation. Out hunting with the boys, drinking and so on. Never home for family.

In my early life I was poisoned by 'accident' and kicked over twice on the way to the hospital which was local, then they had no way to treat me so they sent me to N.O. to the Poison Control Center hospital. On the way I was pronounced dead twice and I can only say it was God that brought me back.

My DA of a dad left one day to go looking for my mother who was out trying to get food for us. We had a gas heater in the house. The flame extinguished and the house was filling with gas fumes. Had my mother not come back in time, my sister and I would most likely have been dead.

My mom and dad got a divorce and my dad and some of his buddies stopped my mom's car when we were on the way back from my great-grandmother's house and having blocked my mom in with their vehicles, they dragged me and my sister and my baby brother out of the car. They took us to 'stay' with my dad's brother.

I remember meeting my cousin, though I don't remember much of him. All I remember is playing in one of those vinyl tunnels in the living room. I also remember my uncle falling off his riding lawn mower and the thing running over his leg and gashing it open when the blade struck.

I remember moving in with my grandmother and I remember a few things. This man that worked with my grandmother had given us some cool toys. If I still had some of them, I'm sure they now are worth thousands, though such is lost in a shambled life. I remember having a seafood boil and having to pee real bad so running into the bathroom to relieve myself, I heard this strange clawing in the tub. I pulled back the curtain and saw it was teeming with lots of crabs. I remember riding, just me and my sister on a go-cart when I was about 5. We ran into the garage and into the back of the push mower so we came to an abrupt halt. Haha.

I remember running through the sprinklers in the summer in nothing but underwear. I remember my favorite coloring book was a spiderman one that I used oversized colors on.

Then shift back and forth more and more to different family members and mom's boyfriends. Such pain should not be felt by children. More moving to boys homes for me and my brother. I remember running through gulleys in Arkansas with popguns playing soldiers and cowboys. Then I turned 11 and all the fun stopped. All remaining innocence I tried so vainly to hang on to, died. A child ignoring the pain and strife of a bad set life who tried to remain happy despite hardships died with it. I cannot tell you what single event, if any, triggered it. It may have been many coming to a head.

Born that day was a cold, hard, calloused creature that knew and knows no fear. Opens up to nobody in daily activities. Is an emotional shutin that builds so many walls to keep others out. Seems to be wiser than my age, having been pointed to as an Old Soul. Is broken in confidence. Cannot maintain any semblence of a relationship. Is on the quiet side and spends more time dreaming of better and bygone days when the world rang with the sounds and life blood of innocence. Slipping into depressions that come and go as the tide and is willing to let it all slip away if that would resurrect the days of gone where cowboys and astronauts were heroes to be looked upon with awe. Gone are the moments when life is simple and now the rat race must be run.

The race is slowly draining the life out of the innocents and evil stalks the world killing all that would be happy and smiling. I was thrust forward into the role of being a responsible 'adult' even at such a young age. I have seen many horrors and have many tales of woe and if I could give one ounce or my whole being to prevent this thing from happening to others, then I would not even think twice. However it would take more than just myself to bring back the days of wonder and wide eyed amusement that once ruled the day.

Death, alcohol, hatred, murder, fear, rage, jealousy, envy, sloth, deceit, abuse and many more such gifts that are too far common these days are what I got in exchange for my innocence. Somehow though I struggle on. It is a daily task to do so. There is no time to 'relive my younger days'. There weren't many to begin with. As I have stated, there are only a few times when I was a child and enjoyed my childhood. I think it is to this end that I try to 'relive' though there is no way to get back what I and others have lost.

There is simply no time for inflection or trying to do things that will hold to a childhood aspect. There are bills to pay, jobs to do, worries to weigh, and other vast 'adult' things to consider. We get older, we get bound for the most part into this 'act your age' racket where the slightest hint of fun is outlawed. We start out with buddies and then they become aquaintances, then before you know it, you can't remember their names. You see that old tree you climbed as a kid, has been cut down and paved over to provide parking for businesses that will not only steal your tree, they will steal your money.

Where did they go? Where did the days of innocence go? They went the way of the dinosaur. The more important question is why did they go. I have my thoughts, though they are not any nicer to think on then what happened to my innocence. 'The world was much simpler then.' Tis true. You can say that it was hard then too, though we all know it is just so much BS. The world is a lot more corrupt and evil than it used to be and without it turning around, it will never be good again. With the return of goodness, the return of innocence will also be here.

These are just my thoughts and I know they are heavy and bring with them much emotion, it is just a taste of what I have to drag through each day. I grieve and will never stop grieving over what has been lost through no fault of my own. I will not however let anyone or anything stand in my way of protecting the innocence of those that have even a shred of it left as their birthright. If I see it is threatened even by the thinnest of hairs I will take it upon myself to eliminate the problem. Some things in this world are worth more than all the riches, fame and power put together.

There is no price you can put on childhood and likewise, there is no price that can guard you against damnation if you are caught severing that bond between child and innocence.

The way I try to deal with it is to keep myself so bogged down in action that I have no room for thought or reflection. This too works against me. You could put me in a library and within a week I will have read half of the books therein. Give me any type of game and I will beat it within an hour. Give me movies and I will have them watched like a chain-smoker smokes. I have to immerse myself into so many hobbies at one time that they can keep me blinded to what I have come through.

I guess you could call me a survivor though at times, and not on a permanent basis, I think it would have been better if death had claimed me. The only true things that keep me going is I am so tenacious and I thrive on a challenge and this thing I call a life is a great challenge. Will he off himself or won't he? No, I won't, though it's a challenge to keep going. I have been dead and didn't see any lights, tunnels, angels, demons or God. At least if I did, I don't remember them. I can only think that there is something I am meant to do. Some wrong to right or someone to help in some unforseen way. I don't know.

I am here and that is all I know. I guess when the time comes it will all become clear to me and finally I will understand why I had to go through the trials that I have. I try to lay it all down and walk away from it, though I think it has become so ingrained in me that if it did go away, I would cease to be. So go out there and teach your children and grandchildren how to have fun. Consequences be damned. Teach them the simpler things in life and get them unhooked from the garbage that they are exposed to everyday. Shove them out the door and lock it behind them until darkfall. Watch who they hang with. Watch what they do and go.

If you see them doing something wrong, don't just whip them for it and that be the end. Let them know why it is wrong what they did. Take back your children. 'A corrupt society will breed corrupt children.' Get the 'village' involved again. Grab the bull by the horns and wrestle that monster to the ground and show your children that once again their parents can be seen as superheros.

Okay, I will end it here. I could go on and on, though I know this isn't a Dr. Phil or Oprah episode. This one question just opened a floodgate and I had to express some things or it would have been a very black day tomorrow. To all you out there who read this, I do not ask for pity or sympathy. I do not ask for anything except the direst thing of all, protect your children. You do not know how big a part of yourself your innocence is until you have it ripped away and then you can come close to being a shell of a person. Do this not for me, for yourself or for some feeling of obligation. Do it for your children because as everyone knows, Children will lead the way. And where do you want them to lead you?

Goodnight all. Think on what I have said.

Tailor

 

Got a swing, a jungle gym, secret hiding place under a tree, pet frogs, fish, spiders, snails, throw green guavas across the street, jump rope around the neighborhood, catch lizards, earthworms, catepillars in a jar till it turns into a moth or butterfly, kites, waterguns, trips to the river to see the ducks, chickens, rabbits and rats..... nets for catching crabs, toads... bicycles... oh and a new bow and arrow... just for kicks..... not exactly the same as when we were kids but pretty darn close...

 

Bless your Heart, Tracy and everyone else that takes time to enjoy a second childhood.

 

Tailor, You spend way too much time brooding, Dude. Events that shape your life happen to each and every one of us, many of them catostropic. A child doesn't learn the meaning of "HOT" from his mother's voice...it comes from touching the shiney red thing on the stove. It's a damned shame that some of us grow up in hell six days a week but it is a matter of choice, what we do with the lessons learned. You seem like a very angry young man and spend way too much time justifying why you need this anger. It is what it is dude...but what you decide to do with it is a choice.

 

Now who in the heck would be swinging using a safety harness, can't imagine why somebody would do that.

 

Um...I still play.

I have bubbles in every room in my house....and water guns...and love to go to the park......

One thing ...My son and I were talking yesterday..and he wants to know more about Computers as he is pretty computer illiterate....He said he didn't want to learn because he noticed all his friends that got in to them, got fat, white and stopped surfing and parasailing....and he is in the water at every given opportunity....(yeah..he lives for hurricane season!) Understand the need for them and all...but I do see how many people stay inside instead of getting outdoors and playing....Heck..I see 2 and 3 yrs olds on computers these days...It IS how they play a lot of the time...under the guise of "educational" games and learning...

When I was little we didn't have a television...Only people in the neighborhood...My dad said people would stop reading and stop playing....and he was right...

My kids grew up playing outdoors, but most around here don't anymore...I had a teenager over one day....young kid , 14...and instead of going to the beach or the pool or just outdoors?
One went in one room and one in the other room and they played against one another on computers all day...I finally turned them off and shooed them outdoors!


I love to play outdoors...


and yeah...I can use this today....Supposed to go over me around 2-4 am tomorrow morning....

Thanks!

 

We know that you are doing all of that Bear, but what about your kids?

 

SC, Anger I have by the pound. I can look at myself and what I see is a hardened, angry child in an adult's body. Further is I am holding it as the only precious thing to me that nobody can take away. I know it is bad for me and truly wish to leave it go, though I think somehow if I do, it will make me something I don't want to be. Maybe weak or something.

I guess I need a good shrink though I already know talking of it will only do so much. I think that it, for bad or good, is the only thing left from my childhood that I have left. I know anger bottled up inside is bad for your health, though I control it. I have tried to make peace with those that have affected me this way, and I guess the only one that I cannot contact is the angry child inside of me.

I know everyone has their tragedies and problems. I know that my story is just one of millions. It is too common an occurrence. With me putting it out here for you all to read may seem like I am whining or boo hooing, that is why I keep it in me. I do not talk about it with anyone. I understand the climbing the flagpole only to slide back down. It's what I do in my life. I can only attempt to try and find an outlet for it that will take it away forever, and I can hope that I will someday find out the answer to why children have to go through this.

I may never know, I can hope that it leaves me and in that hope I don't dwell on it too much. I try to drown it out with activity which I will continue to do until it is history. I may be attached to it as it is to me, though I want a divorce.

Okay, that is the last on this subject I will speak of. Back in the bottle the bad genie goes. Haha.

On to other things.

 

Holding anger like that will only make you weak and alone as you get older. You need to find the portal that you can open and let it escape before it drags you to a point that you have nothing left in your life but loneliness.
If you need a good example of that, come visit and I will introduce you to my father.

 

I know someone like that....and that's all I'm saying...

but he used to tell me he wished he could even KNOW what not being angry and what being happy felt like......Made me so sad....

We're here for a good time...NOT a long time!

 

I know I should let it go, it's just so hard to do it. I thought I had years ago, then again I guess it was just buried. I am already alone, I just have to crawl my way back to the top. I will. If there is nothing else I'm good at, the one thing that I am is keeping on. It's just a moment I'm having. They come frequently and they go away again.

No prob on the sharing part. It's what I do. If I can provide some thought that opens eyes or makes a statement worth learning from, I am only glad to help.

So back to the topic of carefree adventures.

I do remember one time I was on a camping trip and me and my brother were out looking for firewood. We saw this old dead tree stub leaning against a live tree. I was trying to think logically how to bring it down as we didn't have an axe and my brother suggested that we could kick it and it would fall. Well he kicked it and then started screaming. I didn't know what had happened until my adrenalin slowed down and I heard the buzzing. Seems that solitairy kick upset some hornets or something that had made a home in that dead tree. My brother got hit between the eyes and gathering him up, we lit out like our tails were on fire. He couldn't see for two days as we waited for the swelling to go down. Though bad for him, we did laugh about it later in life and swore to each other that we didn't go around kicking trees anymore.

Moral of the story: Don't mess with Mother Nature. She can be vengeful.

 

Tailor, not meant to put you down but rather to pull you up. I am a damage control professional, crisis management is what I do for a living. It usually involves sinking or burning ships, but it is always dangerous and takes a focused and dedicated personality type to make it happen and go back home at the end of the day. Too many times I see my people feed the need and instead of a home, go the bottle or the needle when the rush ain't there. We don't waste the time pointing fingers or laying blame, just go right into damage control. once the damage is contained is when we step back and evaluate where mistakes were made and what we learn from them. Mistakes are just the price of an education if you learn from them. If you don't learn from them, it simpily defines stupidity. If you share the lessons learned with those around you to prevent them from having to pay the same pound of flesh, then you become a teacher and there is no more valuable person than a teacher, especially if the focus is positive in agenda.