Practical Jokes and Jokers

I try to see the humor in most things, but not all humor is light hearted. Practical jokes fall into that category. They can be funny, devious, brutal, even mean (as long as no one gets hurt).
what's your best gag you've played, or been played on you?

 

When we were first married my wife and I did not plan on children. One April 1st, I open my lunch bag and inside (in a ziplock bag) is a pregnancy test, showing POSITIVE. I frantically dialed her cellular phone, but she did not answer. This kept up for 4 hours...finally I got her on the line. Turns out it was an April Fools joke! She had a colleague, who was 6 months pregnant at the time take the test to ensure a positive result. However, God got even with her. 5 months later she was pregnant with our eldest child.

 

A guy at work had a bad habit of walking off with other people's snacks.
Our old timer got fed up with it, and wired a small canned ham to a transformer and zapped him like a cattle fence when he tried to walk off with it. This fool was stupid enough to get zapped twice in two days!

 

Best prank ever done to me was a roommate slipped Turf Mark into my bodywash. The stuff was blue anyway so I didn't notice until my arm turned blue. I thought it was pretty funny, actually... just glad she didn't put it in my shampoo.

One of the funnier ones I did was in college. One of our friends was having a big party in his dorm. A couple of us removed the doors from some other rooms, frames and all, and then reinstalled them one after the other just inside another door. Well not installed them, basically we nailed the bases to the floor and one side to the wall using some scavenged scrap wood. After a while the guy who lived in that room heads home, staggeringly drunk, opens his door, and there's another door. He kinda shook his head, then opened it. And there's another door. He opens it and sees yet another door. It was the last one but he was so wasted, he was like Eff it, laid down in the door frames and went to sleep.

 

As I said, not all jokes are light hearted. My grandfather was a quartermaster for a major elite construction company. Their brag was that whichever guy got to the job site first, was foreman for the day. They were all that good, and they knew it, so did their customers.
But back in the day, major tools were company tools, and had to. E checked into, and out of company storage. Besides being a master carpenter, my grandfather ran the tool room.
He was good at what he did, and took pride in his job, but someone else had a tool room key, and tools were coming up missing! This was very bad, and could have cost him his position, and maybe his job.
He rigged up a bucket to spill when the door was opened, full of canary yellow paint, a sign to drop, and an old time blow torch to fire up.
One morning, he arrived to find his trap had been sprung! There was a large puddle of yellow paint with a few dry prints in the middle of the.puddle, and the sign hanging at eye level read " next time it will be gasoline".
There was never another break in.....

 

Used to have show horses, stabled them at this pretty nice place. There were communal tack rooms. Back then I was rather trusting so I left my stuff in an unlocked tackbox. Well it seemed I could not keep enough Show Sheen or fly spray on hand, and I had a pretty good idea who was using it. I asked her, and of course she denied it. So one afternoon I dumped a nice bit of Koppertox in my almost empty bottles. Koppertox is brilliant green and stains big time. Sure enough, the next day one of her grey Arabs was sporting several nice sized green patches on his side. She was pretty mad about it, heh.

All these things start coming back to me.... man it's no wonder I don't have any friends.

 

It gets funnier. I used this technique after a break in at our family farm (where we hunt) some one had broken in and taken several long guns, and breaking the case they were in.

I rigged up a gizmo box ( if buzzed, flashed a few LEDs, and triggered a strip of flashbulbs left over from a Polaroid camera.) A trashed sattilite TV dish from alongside the road was placed on the roof, ( not hidden, but not real obvious) and an electro magnet on the ceiling, that released if the door opened. The magnet held a sign that read, " congratulations a$$hole, you picture has just been uploaded to the authorities. Have a nice day!" ( the long guns were returned outside the cabin, with only minor damage)

 

Hmm I once convinced my ex I was gay for pierce brosnan. Or the time I wanted to get away from a clingy girl I faked my own death. That wasn't as easy as it sounds. And she pelted me with packs of cookies when she saw me in the supermarket a year later. It was quite a scene. I did what any red blooded man would do. I ran. Like forest gump ran.

 

I have pulled several pranks but opsec limits what I can pass on....

we had a guy in the service who kept his room spotless but made a mess of the common areas and didn't do his share to keep them clean for inspections... so one day prior to inspection we stuck a thumbtack in the side of a can of powdered foot spray and tossed it in his room... as he chased the perp we went back and removed the can... he spent a while re-cleaning his room and the FTO thought it was well planned...

 

We are installing some submar mats over electric power cables running across the bay in Orange Beach. The water has been in the mid-thirties and we are using a Diver's Hot-water machine to pump a continuous flow of 110 degree water into the diver's suits to keep them warm. We also have a small electric submersible pump used to prime the jet pumps with raw water right out of the Bay. I mentioned hooking the submersible up to the hot-water line midway through a dive mission and of course the Seamonkeys had to do it. You could have heard the diver scream in Washington! Later, after Kelly quite whining, I told him about putting Blue Easter-egg dye in the hot water reservoir and I now have another diver that looks like a Smurf. Wonder what will be next, jellyfish or mercaptan.

 

we once filled an office with full balloons.....that was worth the effort.
I think we taped a pin to the outside of his door

 

the old confetti in a drawer is always fun.
to get around a locked drawer, put the confetti in a regular envelope, seal it, shake all the confetti to one end of the envelope, rip the other end off
insert ripped end into top of drawer, tilt, rip off end that is not in drawer and blow into envelope

I did do this once to a colleague, we used to prank back and forth, and he was adamant I wasn't getting into his desk while he was away on holidays. To this day he still laughs about it

of note, the mylar confetti from the dollar store sticks to everything for months because of the static

 

A dental visit resulted in me being out of it so my team mate paraded me all over a certain cityin the islands, had me singing karaoke, tried to find a dress to fit me, tg I'm bigger than the women there, got a tattoo of a teddy bear on my butt, and left me between a pair of Asian ladies. I woke up not knowing where I was or why my butt hurt (Had never done the tatt thing), and found the camera on the dresser. Saw the whole thing and plotted my revenge. One guy was smart and just went with me to get strawberry shortcake and my little pony on his butt (one on each cheek), I sent another guys wife his love letters and pic from other women, got the rest in various ways. The best was When I loaded one guys locker up with dresses, high heels, wigs, lingerie and used cosmetics from a thrift shop. The day of an inspection. He lost the promotion he wanted so badly. Hey I gave them all a chance to go get tats and only one did it. Wow. I'm a vindictive and bad person, lol.

 

The Sutcliffe brothers are two of my favorite people, both are decorated honest to god war heroes and as basically no BS kind of guys that you would ever want to meet...until they get together. We were salvaging a big capsized oil barge off the coast of Texas after Katrina and Kenny booby-trapped Mike's office chair so that when he sat in it, one of those canned air horns started blasting and blew until it was completely out of pressure with no way to stop it. It made it funnier that it was in his motel room about three in the morning when he tripped it and everybody on that floor came to see what the commotion was. The next night, Mike made a deal with the motel staff to move ALL the excess furnishings at the Motel into Kenny's room...he came in from a long day, dead tired and couldn't get into his room...The next night, Mike's room was filled completely with those giant inflatable Santa Clauses with not an inch of space left...

 

I tied a piece of monofiliment to a teddy-bear and pushed it to the bottom of the bed under the covers and was lying in bed with my wife watching a scary movie when I suddenly asked "What the hell was that"? and pointed to the foot of the bed. She immediately shifted into panic mode and when I pulled the string and dragged the bear towards her under the covers, she nearly fainted ...

 

You know those strings that you tie to doors that explode when you pull them? Bug has the smallest bladder of anyone I have ever known so when she returns from anywhere, the first stop is the restroom, where she has developed a most amazing coordinated dropping of pants lowering of toilet seat and use of facilities in what looks to be a totally air-borne maneuver; it is really something to witness...except for the time that I tied one of those exploding things to the lid of the toilet....now that was funny, I don't care where you are from.